Alastair Cook fails to respect the sequence

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Cook, Trott, Cook, Trott – we’re just starting to get the hang of writing about the England Test team when Alastair Cook spazzes one straight up in the air on 96. The idiot.

Now what have we got? A load of half stories, that’s what.

  • Alastair Cook scores most of a hundred.
  • Ian Bell shows resilience. For a bit.
  • Eoin Morgan plays as if he’s going to score a hundred, but falls ’21 runs short’ according to Nick Knight.
  • Matt Prior looks fiery, but hasn’t finished.
  • Kevin Pietersen gets out for ball-all, but to a quick bowler, not a left-arm spinner.

Rubbish. What are we supposed to make out of that? Even 342-6 isn’t particularly dominant in the modern day. No story there.

The sooner England get bowled out and bring out their trio of ganglatrons, the better. We know where we are then.


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  1. Ganglatrons – hurrah! Brings back fond memories of your immortal Harmison description “Lolloping ganglatron of mental fragility”

  2. A Trott failure feels like an event of historic significance.

    “Where were you when Trott didn’t score lots of runs?”

  3. Gangletrons. Marvellous KC.

    But how can supposed top test match bowlers bowl so much dross? I used to bowl it down the leg side one ball and then way outside the off stump back in the late 70’s, but that was in club cricket.

    But test match ganglatrons?

    Alec Bedser, Derek Shackleton and Brian Statham would be turning in their graves.

    Of couse, at least they’ll be able to conduct great media-trained style interviews where they can talk to their hearts content about how they bowled ‘as a unt’ and whether (or not) they bowled it in the ‘right areas’.

    1. The taller the unit, the more they are convinced that ‘the right areas’ are halfway down the pitch.

  4. Mark – ‘bowling like a unt’ – you seem to be missing a letter. But which letter?

    KC – what’s wrong with Knight saying ’21 runs short?’

    1. Alastair Cook was four runs short of a hundred. Kevin Pietersen was not 98 runs short of a hundred.

      79 is just 79.

  5. Ganglatrons bowl sides out for 82 and stuff.

    Sides are 231/1 overnight against a bunch of ganglies.

    Destroyer-type monckers become laughable in the absence of destruction.

    It’s a bit like Andre Nel’s snarling – a component of success when he was bowling well – comedy when he wasn’t.

    Perhaps mark meant “bowling like Gunter”. I recall years ago using Gunter Grove in Chelsea as a route home from my folks’ house. One of the street signs had been carefully doctored by some wag, who covered over the “er” and a little bit of the first G. That sign stayed that way for many years.

  6. Sam, obviously, I haven’t been on enough media training workshops for seam bowlers, so I don’t know all the key words.

    Someone has told me that the word I should have put is Unit.

    Honestly, sometimes, I’m such an unt!

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