Andrew Symonds continues to embrace tooldom

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Increasingly the king of tooleryIt’s difficult to escape the feeling that Andrew Symonds is being punished by Cricket Australia for just generally being a bit of a pillock. Symonds isn’t being selected for Australia’s upcoming tour of South Africa.

It’s partly because he went on radio half-cut and called New Zealand’s Brendon McCullum ‘a piece of shit’, but mostly it’s just because – you know – he’s a prize tool.

There are two parts of Symonds’ brain that are quite well developed. The first part is known as Kelley’s Cornet and it’s responsible for coming up with stupid things to say and do.

The second part is called Doohan’s Tuba and this is the part of the brain that says: ‘What I just thought of is a good idea – in fact, a very good idea. There is, quite simply, NO WAY that this is a bad idea. I will literally not even acknowledge the mere possibility that what I just thought could ever be anything other than the best idea ever.’

At which point he hauls an old woman off a seat on the bus and calls her a hooker.


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  1. Andrew Symonds is such a shame to the world of cricket. With guys like him, you really wonder how can cricket be called a gentleman’s game.

    He really belongs in the jungle.. but then the animals there would have a problem.

  2. I think Symonds is a supremely gifted cricketer who is constantly let down by his utter absence of common sense.

    I was just trying to imagine a colossus with my brain and Andrew Symonds’ cricket ability. Unfortunately, all I could conjure up was an unfortunate creature with Symonds’ brain and my cricket ability. I think perhaps I should go back to bed and see if I can dream properly there.

  3. I think he actually called McCullum a ‘lump of shit’. Factual accuracy is important when insulting Kiwis

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