Brace yourselves – Australia have a dossier

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< 1 minute read

And it’s been leaked!

We don’t really know what a dossier is. Is it just a piece of paper with a list on it?

Whatever it is, it contains some staggering revelations:

  1. Australian bowlers are going to bowl some bouncers
  2. Australian cricketers are going to call an opponent names

Apparently, the second one’s the exciting one. The terms to be used are not actually stated, but we have reason to believe that they will include “flaming galah” and possibly even extend as far as “knobhead”.

The most astonishing thing about this story is the fact that Cricket Australia has actually managed to take the decision to “leak” a dossier. Imagine how many committee meetings and approval emails from management figures that must have necessitated.

We can only conclude that they’re absolutely bricking it about playing South Africa.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. I thought it was a bloke with a scraggy beard who lives rough and smells of wee (presumably as a result of that leak you mention). Is this what CA has come to these days, getting plans for a test series based on what some half-cut tramp shouted at them as they walked past? It’s a sorry state of affairs and no mistake.

  2. They’ve got their tactics all backwards. Why would you wage a “psychological war” against Amla and “go after” Tahir? It is Amla you should go after. That way Hashim has to keep walking, and that is the best way to not let him occupy the crease for a fortnight every match. Also he would never be able to take that really satisfying dump, for someone has come after him and is standing there watching. Peppering Kallis with bouncers is equally ridiculous. The ball is going to strike his ample upper body with a soft thud and fall to his feet. What does this accomplish?

  3. It was Justin Langer’s doing. He’s just about to go and coach the party boy team of Aus domestic cricket and is getting in practise by having massive boozing sessions. He left the dossier, along with his vomit-soaked clothes, under a flyover after waking up there on a Sunday morning.

  4. Nice and humid here in Brisbane. The ball is going to swing round corners. Someone keep the paramedics on standby when Steyn runs in at Ponting.

  5. 2/166. Not looking great for Australia right about now. Amla is boring under the skin nicely, with 59 off of 115 balls so far.

  6. Isn’t a dossier:

    – several pieces of paper, possibly sexed up, upon the content of which seriously stupid but powerful folk base really bad decisions, such as going to war?

  7. Amla 90 n.o.
    Kallis 84 n.o.

    I wonder whether Australia might be better served by concentrating less on what smart-arse remarks they are going to say to annoy the most patient men in world cricket into playing an angry shot, and more on being good at actually bowling. Apparently this is their worst 1st day bowling performance ever at the Gabba.

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