2 minute read On the face of it, with New Zealand 282-6 on a flat pitch, England had a pretty good day, but Alastair Cook won’t always catch so well and they won’t always be playing New Zealand. The plan of the day was Plan D, because Vaughan had already been through A,
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Jesse Ryder injures himself gaining entrance to a toilet
< 1 minute read Jesse Ryder, you really do appear in the most spectacularly glorious stories. Jesse Ryder injured himself while he was out drinking to celebrate New Zealand’s one-day series win over England. Did he injure himself in a fight? No. Did he injure himself trying to break into a toilet? Yes. He’s
Continue readingBrendon McCullum finds his feet
2 minute read You’d think that by the age of 26, he’d know to look at the end of his legs, but no. Up until now Brendon McCullum’s been incorrectly forcing his footwear onto all sorts of incorrect body parts. He’s been a disaster zone of misapplied shoddery. McCullum’s been finding his feet
Continue readingPaul Collingwood hits England’s fastest fifty
< 1 minute read Paul Collingwood, a man of incomparable aceness right now – in fact a man so ace he’s forcing full-grown men to write like 11-year-olds – hit England’s fastest ever fifty at some point in the recent past. Hitting England’s fastest ever fifty is a bit like being Australia’s most debonair
Continue readingPaul Collingwood – all-rounder (in one-day cricket)
2 minute read An excellent all-round performance from Paul Collingwood: 3-43 with the ball and 70 not out off 50 balls. If it were Andrew Flintoff with those figures, everyone’d be giggling, dribbling and getting all rambunctious. They’d be saying ‘bring on the Aussies’ like morons due to the lack of blood supply
Continue readingStephen Fleming retires
2 minute read We really ought to have something to say about Stephen Fleming, but we really don’t. We know that he was a brilliant captain, because we read it about a thousand times. We don’t question that fact, but we’re struggling to think of any evidence. Our first thought was of the
Continue readingJesse Ryder’s weight
< 1 minute read Cricinfo’s Statsguru can produce all sorts of valuable reports for you. However, there’s one that it can’t produce, which would be just about priceless to us. It can’t list every single person who’s played international cricket in order of weight, with Warwick Armstrong at the top and Parthiv Patel at
Continue readingHow to get run out
< 1 minute read We nearly laid into England after their limp defeat in the first one-day international, but thought: ‘No. Wait. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for the minute.’ What a waste of an update. England have only gone and played just as pathetically in the second one-dayer. Feeble total
Continue readingProfessional cricketers fail to act their age
< 1 minute read A top score of 31 and a third of the team getting run out? A fielding side that dives around after everything like it’s tanked-up on E numbers? It’s under-11s cricket, isn’t it? There was a disappointingly small number of wides and the match wasn’t decided by the one kid
Continue readingTwenty20 takes 22 players
< 1 minute read We really like Twenty20, but it can be difficult to report on. It’s more difficult to identify that one, stand-out performance from a player. Twenty20’s more of a team game than you might think. With only 20 overs, it makes sense that one big innings from a batsman decides the
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