England

Chris Silverwood’s first big England plan: time travel

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Chris Silverwood (via ECB YouTube)

We were pretty confident that Chris Silverwood said nothing of consequence when he was announced as England’s new coach. Then we looked again and turns out he just matter-of-factly floated one particular team goal that is entirely reliant on time travel.

Just goes to show, it pays to read these ECB announcements very carefully, which is exactly what we did for Cricket 365.

DON'T BE LIKE GATT!

Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.

Coincidence?

Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?

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15 comments

  1. I’m excited.

    That’s the emoji I ticked.

    Time travel is an exciting idea.

    If Chris Silverwood can be integral to the England test squad emerging and developing the skill sets to achieve time travel, as a unit, that would be good. And exciting.

    1. The coaches’ coach, we suppose. But what kind of coach coaches the coaches’ coach?

      1. Who will coach the coaches’ coach?

        I’ve also ended up reading the word ‘coach’ about 50 times while reading these two comments and now the word just feels fake and ridiculous.

  3. Kohli just scored a double hundred against South Africa. Interestingly reached 200 runs for the innings and 7000 career runs at the same time. Wonder if this has happened before.

  5. Time travel is easy. I remember an XKCD cartoon pointing out that the phrase “I have travelled through time and space to bring you this message” can be added to the beginning of any statement, and that it was both a) true and b) provided a huge amount of drama to the situation. So Silverwood’s statement is fine. The future is ahead of him, and he is travelling to it along with everyone else (unless he moves about more, in which case he’s going slower than everyone else).

    Travelling backwards through time though is really, really difficult. For this you definitely need a DeLorean, and some negative energy. Silverwood has been quite careful in his wording, in that he hasn’t promised to bring the future back or anything. What he has actually (and very cleverly) given himself is a remit that he literally cannot fail at. He is going to build on the future. When? After the future has happened of course. And when is that? Well it’s not now is it, so just leave me alone till then.

    So he can’t be sacked until the future, which in some ways is true for everyone. Borges argued that time does not exist, because the past is nothing but a memory, the future nothing but a hope, and the present of zero size (infinitesimal). So even when the sacking moves from the future to the present, there won’t be enough time to get the words out. Silverwood is confirmed in the job forever, although he might find at some point that he has been sacked.

    1. You are correct that he has left himself a ‘building on the future only once we’re even further into the future’ loophole. How utterly cowardly of him.

    2. XKCD references in the comments, adding to the wealth of evidence that KC readers are a nerdy cultured bunch.

  7. From what I remember, Donnie Darko doesn’t make that much sense even when watched in laboratory conditions

    1. Who watches films in laboratory conditions? I demand a sofa at least,and no Bunsen burners blocking my view…

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