County cricket headline generator

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< 1 minute read

Howe zat, the sports sub-editors of the nation will forever be in your debt for this:

Consult the flow chart!


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. As we speak, Johnny Bairstow is in the middle of collecting his first FC ton after a multitude of 50s. Currently batting with the tail (Sidey compiling a Finn’s Nine) and on 145.

    Hey, it’s not like he’s the England Lions keeper or anything. Oh, wait.

    How many are we allowed?

    1. How many wicket keepers? Any decent international squad needs 27, plus a further 945 “on the fringes.” It is also crucial that the one who gets to play most can’t catch.

      Lovely flow-chart, BTW. The mathematisation of all aspects of cricket continues apace on this website, totally in the face of the stereotypical image of a cricket fan as some sort of slightly odd geek with low-level personality problems. Oh.

    2. Yup, the “Bairstow double” headlines this morning meet the criteria of the HZ flow chart perfectly well.

      All headlines do.

    1. It’s the second best thing I’ve seen today. The first being a midget in a top hat cycling a penny farthing

    1. Heck, over and above Venns I specialise in flow charts, Ddeep Cower. Always have.

    2. Typical. Everyone’s a flow chart specialist now that they’re all cool.

  2. Top stuff.

    Talking of county cricket journalistic I love some of the euphemisms which regularly do the rounds.

    As in “Rob Key looked disappointed to be given LBW” which roughly translates as “caught plumb not moving his feet Rob Key stamped off to the pavilion swinging his bat and mouthing expletives at the umpire”

  3. Bairstow is clearly a superior individual to Kieswietter in every aspect, purely on the grounds that he has carroty hair and doesn’t wear 90’s era zinc lip balm. But I need to see a pie chart regarding his shouting “Nice one ‘bowlers nickname, insert name here'” in comparison to other keepers, before I make a final decision.

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