Alastair Cook, 52. What a Herculean effort. Ordinarily, you’d need 11 men to get anywhere near a score like that.
Owais Shah, 57. It’s a number beyond counting. We don’t know how many noughts 57 has, but it must be nearly a million. It’s the biggest number we’ve ever heard of.
Andrew Strauss, 169. This is, quite literally, more runs than have ever been scored in the history of cricket. It’s more runs than there are atoms in France – and France is chock-full of atoms at the minute.
England would have lost a match against a single, blind narhwal last week. This week they’re unbelievable and should have their DNA preserved for posterity.
There is no way we are overreacting about this. Nor have we overreacted about poor performance in the past. Measuring a side’s worth by how many runs they scored in their most recent innings is the most scientific approach there is and gives 100% accurate results.