England Squad Watch – part two

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Everyone knows that the key to a strong international side is ‘competition for places’. It absolutely isn’t the case that ‘competition for places’ is really just a synonym for ‘the first XI’s turned crap’.

Yesterday’s England Squad Watch ended rather bleakly with the specialist batsmen seemingly competing only for a place in the dressing room from which to watch others bat. Thankfully, yesterday’s play brought GREAT NEWS.

Michael Carberry improved on his first innings duck considerably, making six whole runs in the second innings. He didn’t hit any boundaries, so that six entailed a whole series of scoring strokes. As for Eoin Morgan, was he smarting from his first innings golden duck? Was he ‘eck as like. The vowelsome left-hander made two in a six-minute innings that will have had England’s coach, whoever he is, grinning from ear to ear (assuming England’s next coach has two ears and a mouth).


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. I always thought it was “‘eck as like”.

    Keeping to the subject in hand, I shall be attending glorious Taunton on Sunday for the Somersets v the Yorkshires. Expect a match report, if I can be bothered.

    1. We’ve already changed it. Do you want us to go back into the article and insert a mistake deliberately?

    2. Perhaps if KC could indicate what he originally wrote, then Sam’s comment will come in to full focus and we can all have a laugh. Otherwise it will be left to our imagination, which, I am guessing, KC will want to avoid.

  2. Has anyone applied for the England Coaching job who lacks two ears and a mouth?

    Do any of the applicants lack other important anatomical parts?

    We need answers to these questions, KC.

    1. This is the squad-watch, not coach watch. Even us colonials can see that.

      There do seem to be openers making big runs already though. I generally only the follow when kiwis are involved (all to infrequent of late), but what about Darryl Mitchell or Jimmy Adams? Both making runs, solid long term average, or has Nick Compton not making 402 runs every innings meant learning your craft is no longer an option in England?

    2. Gonna have CVs submitted from people using their International Cricket Captain records, like with Championship Manager for football? Can’t do any worse…

    1. Why not go the whole hog and make him player-manager-chairman-coach-wicketkeeper-spinner-physio.

  3. aaaaagggghhhhh the bloody x factor – AGAIN – people now feel compelled to use this term, as if there had never been any alternative… like at the start of the recession, when everyone thought they would get special brownie points for calling it the “credit crunch” (despite – or more likely because of – the fact that every other fucker was saying it too).

    martin crowe’s article on the 50 greatest cricketers blah blah… haven’t even got to the third para yet and there’s that stupid frigging buzzword.

    i’m actually thinking of taking over the country, and instituting public flogging for people who use buzzwords. or maybe the death penalty, i haven’t decided yet. any objections?

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