Before you read this, we’d just like to make one thing abundantly clear about the sickening content that follows. King Cricket in no way encourages you to contact, meet or socialise with other readers of the site as it flies in the face of our whole philosophy.
In fact, it’s probably for the best if you steer clear of any kind of contact with anybody, on the off chance that whoever it is might once have read something here.
For the record, when we raised this issue with the reporter, she threw the phrase ‘social glue’ directly at us.
We would have rather she had thrown a poisoned piece of excrement with a shuriken inside.
Anyway, Miriam writes:
I present a report of my four days at the Oval test, set out thematically.
There was rain on each day, but the only day that was properly rain-ruined was Saturday. The other days were very much: umbrella up – umbrella down; sunglasses on – sunglasses off; jacket on – jacket off.
On Thursday I took two kinds of sandwiches: (1) coronation chicken, and (2) turkey, cheese and crispy bacon. On the rest of the days, I meant to make sandwiches but was in too much of a rush. On Monday night I threw away the leftover coronation chicken, turkey, and bacon.
Almost every evening, I had pizza for dinner. I always crave pizza after going to the cricket.
I spent time with the following bloggy people:
I also met a man who had a far better pedicure than me, with silver toe polish. I had to curl my toes away from him in shame.
On Sunday I attended with friends called Katie and Katy, whom you may remember from this beauteous thing.
Clothes that I wore included my cricketwithballs T-shirt, and a top saying “CRICKET LOVELY CRICKET” in pink, extremely sparkly lettering. I was two seats away from the sightscreen and was worried that the sparkle would distract the batsmen. If anyone who sees me at the cricket would like to tell me that they like the T-shirt, but are worried that I will accuse them of inappropriately looking at my breasts, don’t worry, I’m not so much of a feminazi that I can’t take a compliment about my T-shirt.
The changeable weather played absolute havoc with my hair.
I discovered that my handbag was a perfect size and shape for the cricket, as you could upend it and put it on the floor without disturbing any of your neighbours.
Next time I’m going to take in a sticky plastic hook (or a suction hook) for the back of the seat in front of me, to hang up my handbag and jacket.