A lot of big names are being bandied about – Allan Donald, Jason Gillespie, Darren Gough and Shaun Pollock, to name but a few – but why is no-one talking about Ian Austin?
Ex-Lancashire medium-pacer, Ian Austin, could bring a lot to the job. Imagine a fabulous foursome of rotund bowlers wobbling in and going at 0.8 runs an over for the duration of a Test match. If there’s one thing England lack, it’s a fat sod who bowls innocuous-looking deliveries which are actually impossible to hit. Ian Austin could nurture such a bowler.
Failing that, we would accept former Zimbabwean chicken farmer, Eddo Brandes – or a robot.