Fourth 2009 Ashes Test match report

SW writes:

It was agreed that The Australian and myself would enjoy a weekend of camping up at Peterborough with our acquaintance Price and some other lycra-clad rowing folk. There was rumour of naked rowing, pole climbing and general debauchery being on the cards, so this seemed like a good way to spend a weekend instead of being glued to a very important international cricket match that might happen to have been taking place at the time. At least we had my trusty wind-up radio to keep us in touch with proceedings.

As we left the M25 and headed towards the Fens, it transpired we were losing radio reception. Gone was TMS and Radio Two. All we had was Radio Banjo (it may or may not have really been called that). This station brought us many rock classics such as Holding Out for a Hero, ZZ Top’s Gimme All Your Lovin’ and Crazy Horses by The Osmonds.

Once at our camping plot we debated how to erect our newly purchased tent, myself favouring the military precision attainable only from Duke of Edinburgh Silver, whilst the Australian seemed to prefer the more lackadaisical approach associated with his homeland. It’s fair to say the tent took a while to put up.

Total absence of radio reception meant that we were forced to find other forms of entertainment for the weekend. This took the form of doing some racing in boats, drinking cider, shouting at people doing racing in boats and playing cricket with a children’s mini set we took along. This was the highlight of the day. I recommend having a set at hand to placate any persons bored of racing in boats.

Later that evening one of our number decided to twiddle some firesticks, which was a most impressive spectacle. Upon sober reflection the next morning, it may have been safer to have played with Price’s KC Top Trumps as a way to pass the time in such close proximity to highly flammable tents.

The following morning The Australian cooked me and Price some sausages on the barbecue, which was very nice of him.

The Australian barbecuing - again

We had lent Price our spare tent. He had spent the evening watching a naked midget climb a marquee pole, then retired to the tent to be to be gently spooned by a hairy Liverpudlian called Dave.

Sunday continued in much the same vain as Saturday, but with less excitement, so we headed home after lunch, looking forward to catching up on the weekend’s progress and to watching the evening session of play.

Send your match reports to king@kingcricket.co.uk – but on no account mention the cricket.

Share this article...Email this to someoneTweet about this on TwitterShare on Facebook0Share on Google+0

*** Asterisk-powered reminder that you can and should sign up to receive our email ***

20 Appeals

  1. Ahem….KC….I hate to point out a mistake on behalf of your greatness, but AW certainly didn’t write that…

  2. What I want to know, is if Price and hairy Dave are now betrothed?

    Shall I get a hat?

  3. I would like to point out that i only snuggled up to hairy dave for warmth as i was tremendously cold from the skinny dipping at 2am

    Nothing gay in the slightest…..

  4. Who was the naked midget? I’m aware of String’s penchant for de-robing but he isn’t a midget (unless you are referring to a specific appendage).

  5. No, no, there was no String’s middle stump on show this time.

  6. I read that first sentence as “camping-up at Peterborough” and what with the lycra clad men and hairy spooning was probably quite correct so to do.

    I think this must win a prize for the most cricket-free account we have had so far

  7. Ceci – I’d say it possibly goes to string

    http://www.kingcricket.co.uk/england-v-stanford-superstars-match-report/2008/11/12/

    SW mentions radio and TMS

    String literally mentions nothing to do with the cricket

  8. Thank you Ceci, but I fear Price is correct and I must conceed defeat to String. Although a test match against the convicts is arguably less easy to ignore than a money-making smash and grab scam in the Caribbean.

    Totally unrelated, but on a similar train of thought to Ceci’s – I misread the description of the new film out called “Adam”. I thought at first glance he had asparagus. That would make a far superieur film topic.

  9. Is hairy Dave the same Dave that comments here sometimes? Was it a whole KC-commenter camping weekend?

    (D does not stand for Dave, btw, in case i get embroiled in this gay romp)

    Smashing report – and that The Australian clearly knows how to BBQ.

  10. Nonsense. The flames are less than a foot high. He’ll never get a suitably charred exterior on his sausage like that.

  11. The BBQ was a very slow burner…you’ve got to take things easy in the morning.
    Price was getting quite impatient for sausage.

  12. Surely Price got more than enough from Hairy Scouser Dave, during their snuggle sessions?

  13. Price is very demanding when it comes to sausage – his hunger for it is insatiable.

  14. Suave – I must say your comments regarding Price & Hairy Dave’s tent union are of quite the romantic nature – betrothal, snuggle, talk of hats – it’s like having our own Cilla Black on here.

  15. I’ve been rumbled, IT’S CILLA HERE!

  16. Surprise Surprise!!

    She is the biggest fag hag in town, so she’d be all over this love story.

  17. Hmm, must write a report from the Lashings match on Weds…

  18. Lashings sounds like we’re taking these stories down a whole new depraved route altogether Ollie W…

  19. Crazy Horses by The Osmonds is indeed one of the rock classics of all time. A seminal piece whose influence over later classics should not be unerestimated.

    Normally Crazy Horses is cruelly overlooked when lists of such classics emerge – well done SW for slipping that one in.

  20. Well, it actually was a bone of contention in MotoSW as The Australian claimed to have never heard of it or the Osmonds before…
    I just despair…absolutely despair…

Comments are closed.

© 2017 King Cricket

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑