Various beasts being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

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SW writes:

Here are the animals of the SW household demonstrating considerable indifference to key moments of the T20 World Cup.

First up there is Jasper (aka Fatty McFat). He is technically the neighbour’s cat, but they don’t feed him and call him Nike so he has rejected this emasculating lifestyle in lieu of the endless food and Sky Sports provided chez SW and just tolerates his array of new names. Recently he was spotted being conspicuously indifferent to Gayle’s smiting of the Australian bowling at the Oval.

Chris who?

In the background, Gayle is seen leaving the pitch to rapturous applause, yet McFat is choosing to ignore the joy this spectacle brought to non-Australian hearts, instead indulging in a catnap.

The table is not normally that haphazardly covered with random items. It has been pointed out that perhaps the cat was unaware of the cricket due to the mountain of stuff in his sightline to the telly, however his ears are clearly also pointing away and I can vouch he was very much fast asleep in the style of MCC Man after too much wine at lunch – so deeply asleep you are not sure if they are actually dead.

Secondly, there is 19 year old Silka ignoring Foster’s lightning quick reactions for the timely stumping of Yuvraj Singh:

Yuvraj who?

As a Surrey supporter, she’s not shown any interest in England wicket keeping since Alec Stewart retired, so this is not a surprise. To be fair, when Geraint Jones was in the team she wouldn’t even bother being in the house at all.

Finally, a picture of The Australian showing continued indifference to all T20 matches since the demise of his team:

Why isn't it wearing a singlet?

Not only is he ignoring TMS on the radio and Sky on the telly, but he has conspicuously started to demonstrate overtly stereotypical Australian behaviour by preparing the barbie for another shrimp and sporting the Australian national dress of a stupid hat and flipflops. Some would say he was “actively attention seeking”. What is most worrying about this photo is that McFat is clearly being sucked in by this Antipodean trickery.


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  1. The australian is embracing the proper fire barbeque, he isnt wearing a vest and he is looking remarkably pasty.

    The conversion to being english is nearly complete

  2. That house plant is doing well.
    I notice it has a formed a better relationship to the cricket that the moggies.

    It’s just conspicuous

  3. Yes Price, I’ve been working hard to eliminate traces of his colonial past. He was toying with joining Jrod’s team for the match on Monday, but I am not letting him off the ball and chain as fratinisation with fellow Australians could undo all my good work.

  4. I saw there was some nail polish on the table in the first photo and the aussie chap is hiding his finger nails in the last photo. Putting two and two together I think it is safe to assume all aussie blokes privately paint their nails.

  5. The full conversion of the Australian will only happen if he admits he is not wearing thongs.

  6. Benno, tis true, the captain of North Middlesex CC IV’s, is often sporting silver or black toe nail polish. He’s an auld convict too..
    How queer.

  7. Always good to have a beer-soaked Aus, especially one who has been hastily using nail-polish remover, in charge of the barbie near a nice dry wooden fence

  8. That man may LOOK Australian, but he’s clearly been naturalised if he calls them flip flops and not jandals.

    Also, McFat is at the barbecue too early! It’s still at the flame stage – nothing will be ready yet!

  9. Raw meat…it’s all about stealing the raw meat…

    Jandals???? The Australian is, well, an Australian by birth and a Kiwi by parental default and has never used this phrase. Is his antipodean persona all a ruse to seduce us naive/willing English roses with his ill-spoken charms ?? Have I been duped???

    Benno – I have it on good authority String has also used nail varnish. It’s to do with the cerise heritage.

    As for the moggies, I am sad to report they ignore cricket yet thrive on F1. The rubber plant loves cricket yet positively wilts at the dulcet tones of Martin Brundell wafting through the airwaves.

  10. Re the raw meat, we once had a barbecue in the garden of our old house and our cat brought his own meat. First a rabbit, then a bird.

    I’ve met that North Midd man with the painted toenails. His pedicure was better than mine.

    SW, about the Jrod’s team for Monday … if you let him play how about I stop him talking to any Aussies?

  11. That hat is insufficiently silly for an Aussie, SW.

    I regret to inform you that you’ve been had.

  12. SW – you scared the shit out of me! I thought I had total anonymity on here! How do you know of my pal String and our cerise heritage?

    (Are you a rower as well as a cricket-lover?)

  13. Miriam – Cats are resourceful like that. Dogs aren’t. A dog would rock up with no meat and just steal other peoples’ meat at a BBQ.
    Sadly the real reason The Australian can’t play is because he’s got a shift at the Walkabout then. Unless that is just a cover story he gives and he’s got a real job in an office somewhere in suburban Surrey….

    It’s all so obvious now.

    Benno – I may have dabbled in the dark art of boating once or twice. But it was another on here who blew your cover.

  14. Perhaps McFat wasn’t being sucked in by Antipodean trickery, merely staring at it in abject horror.

  15. Jandals were a brand name in Nu Zilund that became a ubiquitous term, a genuine Australian should refer to them as thongs.
    Sw, have you tried your cats on boxing?

  16. That is marvellous housemonkey!

    I’ll get McFat into training right away.
    Not Silka though. Because boxing female cats is too controversial a subject.

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