Gary Kirsten’s vision document for the India team

The Hindustan Times say they’ve got hold of a ‘vision document’ produced by Indian coach, Gary Kirsten.

It advises the players to try and increase their scoring rates (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) on the grounds that this will help create more testosterone that will in turn help the players be more aggressive on the pitch. However, partners are optional, it seems:

“If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine. No pillow talk and no hugging required. Just roll over and go to sleep.”

This is one of those occasions where we feel no need to elaborate upon a story. We’ve got to save the obvious jokes for the comments.

Then again…

  • Sachin Tendulkar’s dispatched one through the covers
  • Ishant Sharma’s knocked the middle pole back
  • Yuvraj Singh’s lifted one over the infield
  • MS Dhoni’s stolen a quick one
  • Ashish Nehra’s nipped one back through the gate
  • Rahul Dravid’s changing his grip

And we’ll end with: Harbhajan Singh’s struggling for purchase due to the moisture…

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24 Appeals

  1. Enough with the innuendo.

  2. King Cricket

    September 23, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    In-your-endo.

  3. VVS Laxman’s cracked one into short leg?

  4. sehwag went in all guns blazing but got himself out with a rash shot

  5. King Cricket

    September 23, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    RP Singh’s keeping it tight at the Members End.

    Top that!

  6. Shoaib Akhtar has genital warts.

  7. Irfan’s throw was miles off target 😀

  8. Yuvraj Singh fractures finger during practice session in Johannesburg?

    Smutty AND factual. Smutual.

  9. Dhoni has played down the Bakerloo Line.

    Too obvious?

  10. Tendulkar spanks one over mid-off?

  11. Gambhir has a wank.

  12. RP Singh gets one to explode from a full length, catching a surprised Dhoni full in the face?

  13. Dravid uses his wrists to flick one off a full length, but guides it down the throat of fine leg?

  14. Harbajhan bowls a maiden over and then spunks over her tits

  15. http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/cricket/paul-collingwood/article/1037/

    “..it turns out that India coach Gary Kirsten has come out with a dossier saying your testosterone levels drop if you don’t have sex.

    She wanted to know if we had a similar dossier, but I can confirm it doesn’t enter into the England gameplan!”

    I don’t have a masturbation pun to contribute. Sorry.

  16. “Dravid uses his wrists to flick one off a full length, but guides it down the throat of fine leg?”

    this would be quite a shot.

  17. In the world of wank based cricket puns, anything is possible.

  18. What a time for Ceci to be away on holiday!

  19. I’m coming to this thread a little late.

    Like Ceci, I suppose, I popped out for a few shakes.

    It would be hard to rub it in any better than those who came on this thread comparatively prematurely.

  20. Thanks KC, and particularly D Charlton for making me realise I am at heart, a five year old.

    I would like to get a Dravid pun in but can’t help think he’d just steadfastly maintain a semi for hours.

  21. Taking matters into his own hands, Sreesanth’s full toss defeated the hotel’s laundry service, who instead sold them to a local builder for use as plaster board.

  22. Erm…what I meant to put was

    Taking matters into his own hands, Sreesanth’s full toss defeated the hotel’s laundry service, who instead sold his soiled sheets to a local builder for use as plaster board.

    ….and yes I know, it’s still not very funny, but at least I’m joining in!

  23. They will be knackered.

  24. Just don’t get caught at the crease when one of Mendis’s carrom balls spits at you.

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