Let us tell you about Joe Root from England’s World Cup squad

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Joe Root (via ECB YouTube)

Joe Root is the boring one who is Test captain who makes chanceless hundreds at quicker than a run a ball. 50-over cricket makes no sense any more.

Joe Root’s job is to bat sensibly, taking very few risks, so that everyone else can bat like nutcases. There is every chance that he will hit a hundred and not actually appear in the highlights. His job is to be so reliable that England have a nice big vat of terrible decision-making that the other batsmen can dip into without losing the match.

Root might bowl a bit too. Bit of spin. It used to be just finger spin but he’s inexplicably started bowling a leg break as well, almost as if to say: “Don’t rely on me. I’m not holding a bat, so I don’t have to be responsible now.”

Final important thing to note: they’re not booing him; that’s just how you chant ‘Root’.

Let us tell you about the other members of England’s World Cup squad


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  1. Root’s career ODI strike rate is the same as Pietersen’s, and he’s the “boring” one. It’s insane.

    1. It is a good stat, but strike rate is only part of the exciting/boring continuum equation.

      The proportion of KP’s runs made up of 4s and 6s will each be much higher than those of Joe Root.

      Joe Root’s strike rate is phenomenally high for someone who nudges and nurdles so many of his runs in ones and twos. His control and placement is simply superb.

      1. If a master nurdler scored only in ones, twos and threes, they could still theoretically achieve a strike rate of 150 or even 200. I think the full powers of nurdling have yet to be explored.

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