Miracle Hair restoral

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Darrell Hair spreads his message of love and toleranceMaybe it’s not a miracle, but you don’t spurn headlines like that, even if they are more obvious than the correlation between mobile phone advertising and incidences of depression.

Darrell Hair has been restored to the Elite Panel of ICC Umpires. It sounds like he’s just going to see out his contract which ends in 2009. It still seems a bit weird though. Despite the ‘unanimous decision’ he’s clearly not wanted by the ICC – or anyone else really.

Even Mrs Hair doesn’t want him hanging round the house all day with his hangdog expression. It’s thought that Mrs Hair may in fact have brokered this unlikely deal. A source close to the Hairs said yesterday: “Mrs Hair’s sick of his moping. One of their koi carp hanged itself last week, it got so affected by his tangible aura of despair.”


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Did Warney have something to do with hair coming back??
    An ad opportunity for Advanced Hair Studio perhaps.

  2. Now that Wisden are looking over our collective shoulders, I’d better be careful about what I say about Hair…lest the men in white coats come to take me away. Or at least penalise me five runs for tampering with my balls.


    I absolutely cannot believe they’ve let that *********** ********-grabbing ****** ****** of a man ****** ** the **** *****.


  3. Five penalty runs to the opposition.

    Surely you know that evidence isn’t required for such a penalty, just a vague feeling.

  4. Are they actually accurate those quantities of asterisks? Surely there are too many?

    We thought it started “f-ing money-grabbing fat f-ck of a man”.

    Then we were stuck.

    If our guess is right, then have you been watching The Sopranos recently Mahinda? That style of talking is addictive isn’t it, you fat f-ck?

  5. The number of asterisks is quite correct, but only one of the words is an actual swear word. And even then, it’s not one of the _really_ offensive ones. I mean, there are ladies* present. It just wouldn’t be cricket.

    * Until I have hard evidence to the contrary, I will regard Mims and Lemon Bella as ladies. I also have my suspicions about Suave.

    Actually, it might be two offensive words…I can’t actually remember what the first word was. Eleven letters…hmmm.

    The only sopranos with whom I’ve had dealings are of the (light) operatic persuasion.

  6. ‘I absolutely cannot believe they’ve let that outrageously headline-grabbing, racist excuse of a man hobble on the park again.’

    Your (potential) words, not ours. We want to make that absurdly clear.

  7. It’s close, but it’s not quite right. I prefer it, though — that’s why you’re featured in the hallowed pages of Wisden…and I’m not.

    ‘headline’ yes…’outrageously’ no. And far be it from me to call him a rabid racist Aussie w***er.

    Mims, how could I possibly believe that?

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