Okay, we don’t want you to be alarmed but…

Our Rhinolast mugWe made ourself a cup of tea this morning, we started drinking it and then we went upstairs for a bit. When we came back down, the mug was empty. No-one else was in the house.

We know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say that we were half-asleep, drank the tea and either didn’t notice or forgot.

Well you’re wrong.

We have a finely tuned internal measurement system and we KNOW when we’ve finished a cup of tea. If we drink half a cup of tea first thing in the morning, we’re half a cup out all day long. We drink the first half of every subsequent cup, but then we feel like we’ve finished and stop. Only when we’re in the mood for our next brew do we realise our error, at which point we have to drink the remaining half a cup of cold tea (because you can’t leave it).

So what happened this morning? We’ll tell you what happened.

WG Grace’s ghost drank our cup of tea. That’s what happened.

Think about it. If you were WG Grace, wouldn’t you come back from the dead to see the last couple of matches of this season’s County Championship? Of course you would. And wouldn’t you really fancy a brew when you arrived? Unquestionably.

The County Championship is putting everyone in danger. There are ghosts in our midst. And they’re drinking our beverages.

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26 Appeals

  1. but how did he know to come to your house? Is it because you are raising the bar in terms of county cricket coverage?

  2. Perhaps the ghost of WG suffers from hay fever when attending county championship matches.

    He might reasonably have mistakenly thought your mug would be a useful source of azelastine hydrochloride.

    It’s pretty impressive that the good doctor has kept pace with medical developments (as well as the county championship) since his death – antihistamines were discovered in the middle of the 20th century.

    What an incredible character WG is/was.

    • He reputedly got up people’s noses when he was alive, so maybe he’s just following similar lines here.

      And your final line is one of the very few in the English language that can fit into a rhyming couplet about Tiswas, so I’ll keep it for future use if that’s alright with you, alongside one I once heard discussing Nag Pie.

  3. I have it on good autority that WG Grace’s ghost only drinks port and the blood of former umpires.

  4. “autority” is more authoritative than “authority”, for the record.

    • King Cricket

      September 9, 2011 at 12:42 pm

      What are you saying then? Are you saying it wasn’t WG Grace’s ghost?

      Whose ghost was it then? Hmm? Hmm? Whose?

    • Ghosts ? Let’s apply Ockhams Razor, how likely is it, not very, so what’s the likely explanation ? I reckon it’s pretty simple, you choked couldn’t finish it off and threw it away, now you’re doing the after match rationalisation thing.

    • Martleman, That explanation is too steeped in reality to be of any direct relevance.

    • Well I’m not ruling out the possibility of the supernatural of course, stranger things have happened, such as Lancashire winning the county championship.

  5. If he is the ghost of cricket past maybe
    India is the ghost of cricket present

  6. I enjoy this blogsite on the whole, but today’s entry isn’t my cup of tea at all

  7. If I haven’t just seen a laundry van delivering laundry to that hotel opposite AGAIN!

    Perhaps the ghosts of several cricketing greats are staying there for the last couple of weeks of the county championship.

    Now I come to think of it, I can’t imagine any living soul choosing to rest there under any circumstances.

    This is all getting a bit spooky for my taste.

  8. It could’ve been Jack Hobbs. Or Venkatapathy Raju.

    Don’t jump to conclusions, KC.

    • King Cricket

      September 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm

      If you read that story again, you’ll see we were very reluctant to leap to conclusions at any point. It was only through the weight of evidence that we reached the view that we now so firmly hold.

  9. Bum. I also have an internal, sub-conscious mechanism that keeps track of how much tea there is left in a cup, and also how warm it is likely to be. I sort of thought this was a unique super-power that made me special, but apparently not.

    • I’m sure you are very special, alex, in many, many ways.

      Just not in a “tracking tea in a cup” sort of way.

  10. Hey KC,
    I love all your articles. This one is particularly appealing, because we seem to have a similar thought process because, about a month a ago, I published this: http://pseudocricket.blogspot.com/2011/08/what-it-means-to-practice-at-lords.html
    Also, you can check out my website on the whole if you want and give feedback. Constructive Criticisms will be whole heartedly accepted.
    Cheers!

    • King Cricket

      September 10, 2011 at 9:12 am

      Thought you were spamming us for a minute there, but you have quite genuinely written about WG Grace’s ghost.

      Good choice of subject matter.

  11. Are you sure it wasn’t the two Andies came to request you to recall some article on Bell?
    They have form for barging into rooms during tea-time requesting for recalling some stuff for Bell.

  12. Oh Kerri, Kerri.
    Kerri, Kerri, Kerri, Kerri, Kerri.
    Gan.

    8 for 39 for Kerrigan. Hants 130 for 9. He is The Destroyer. This last partnership is dragging on a bit though, eight overs now. Come on Lancashire!

  13. Don’t you have a King Cricket mug? I always wear my King Cricket t-shirt because I thought I have to but you don’t even use the mug?!

    Lancashire: never in doubt.

  14. Thanks Ged. Your comment did actually make feel a little bit better.

  15. 9 for 51 for Kerrigan. Outstanding! And a last-wicket partnership that lasted 21 overs and got within 4 minutes of surviving for the draw! That’s more tension in one afternoon of 4-day cricket than in the entire IPL.

    Warwickshire 226; Lancs 223; Durham 211

    Warwickshire and Durham have the bottom two to play, Lancs has the next best team in the league. But Lancashire also has DESTINY on its side.

    Come on Lancashire!

  16. when “we” drink half cups of tea, is it possible the collective “we” drank the whole cup of tea? o

    or do you actually drink quarterly measures of tea (understandable in light of the excitement around the county championship), and simply went for half as a better sounding measure?

    i’m not sure WG would like fudge with his statistics

    judging by his belly, he would potentially like it with his tea

    • King Cricket

      September 15, 2011 at 3:52 pm

      We got lost in that, but can state with some certainty that we (singular) had drunk half a cup of tea.

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