Rob Key: all-rounder

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2 minute read

Over the years, we’ve often asked ourself: ‘Could Rob Key actually be any more awesome?’

Always the answer has been the same: ‘Not really. Only if he managed to clean bowl Northamptonshire’s David Willey.’

Finally, after years of waiting, David Willey actually started playing first-class cricket this season. Kent faced Northamptonshire this week and Rob Key took the chance to complete himself and become 100% awesome.

Rob had never taken a first-class wicket before, because he didn’t need to prove ANYTHING to ANYONE. But with Willey at the crease, he had a task to carry out.

Here is the completion of that task.

There's no shame in being outwitted by a genius

Here is Rob celebrating the completion of that task.

Cricket history captured for posterity

Here’s what happend to the stumps. They have been DECIMATED.

Even the stumps are reeling at what they've witnessed

Now here’s Rob doing a bit of pointing, because pointing is what you do when you have attained the status of being the world’s first 100% awesome individual.

[Start bombastic, triumphant soft rock soundtrack]

Monumental thanks to Sarah, Canterbury for capturing history on her camera.


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  1. King, the pointing is the mighty Key controlling the weather – he is single handedly responsible for the fine weather so far this spring. He is allowing rain today as Kent are resting

  2. A HOT man dressed in white and pointing? Is Rob Key perhaps John Travolta’s secret lovechild?

    Fab photos from ace snapper Sarah!

  3. Quite simply I was destined to record this historic moment. As the players took to the field after tea, I asked myself the question, “can I be arsed to walk round to the other side of the ground in order to sit closer to the action?” The announcer then uttered the oh so significant words, “Bowling from the Nackington Road End, Rob Key” and off I scurried post haste, conscious I’d never forgive myself if I wasn’t in with a chance of recording his maiden first-class wicket for posterity. The rest, as they say…..

    Seeing Key take that wicket probably ranks amongst my top Kent supporting moments ever and I feel truly privileged to have witnessed history!

  4. And preserved it.

    We think we might have just accidentally branded someone’s comment as spam. If you commented on this post and your comment’s not here, can you comment again and we’ll try and rectify this.

  5. Decimated? You mean that the stumps were literally reduced to 9/10 of their former size by means of drawing lots in order to reduce precious and diminishing resources such as food? Super! You’re clearly a man who knows all about the technically correct definitions of words derived from lanugage and terms used by ancient roman armies which are very commonly misused largely because the word sounds a lot cooler than something more appropriate. Go you!


  6. Do you notice how the spectators have to shield their gaze from Rob Key’s blazing magnificance?
    The guy daring to peak out behind the red car but needing protect his burning retinas with his arm. In the first photo the spectators have to bow their head to the ground or tilt it to the side (they are NOT bored with the action). The umpire, after having his vision wrecked with such close-up scrutiny, has decided he can only umpire from behind the boundary and by looking in the opposite direction. (He knows the RIGHT decisions to make). The spectator who risked all in picture 3 had their eyeballs scorched off the face of this earth (and the face of their face), leaving 2 grisly hollows.

    Notice too, that the players in order to be in close proximity to their overlord, have to wear special Rob Key Magnificence-Deflectors (they are NOT sun glasses) to prevent their corneas melting. The fool in picture 2 who left his in the changing room, has to run towards Key by looking down at the ground. He won’t make that mistake again.

  7. Language and meaning evolve.

    If you don’t believe us, try telling everyone you’ve been feeling gay of late.

  8. flintoff gets injured and england immediately uncover a new star all-rounder

    bob is the new botham


  9. Yes a lovely set of photographs for a grey day!

    Sarah – you should get Matt to team up with you and caption your photos.

    Suave lives! Horray!

  10. I’ve always wondered how queer and gay came to mean the same thing, when they’re basically antonyms?

    I feel a bit queer.. Not well

    I feel exceedingly gay…. Very Happy.

    Did previous generations assume that homosexuals were both ill and happy?

  11. Gay is word theft, decimated is word ignorance! I’ll go dig my banners out soon if need be.

    I don’t get the Key thing. I’m still new enough to all of this to be happily ignorant and not always play along hoping to make friends… Quite what attracts all you a has been, I’ve no idea. Mind you, I couldn’t give you a good reason to be devoted to Darren Maddy or Jimmy Bob Troughton. Promise I’ll go with the flow next time.

    Anyway, blatant spam –

  12. I’m sorry but that clearly isn’t Bob. Unless he’s hit the gym in a serious way this winter, which I doubt.

  13. Spigot, we can’t summon much enthusiasm for this debate any more.

    That is, we can’t be bothered to get possessed by a god for this debate any more.

    Our first ‘semantic evolution’ comment was pretty snappy. This one makes us sound like a prick.

  14. First person plural – my my.

    I have been convinced for years that Bob Key was all round, so I cannot really see what all the fuss is about.

    Great pictures, though. Well worth a feature for the pics.

  15. Sorry to be a bit late to the party here, but what is going on with Rob key’s right arm (the pointy one) in the last photo? It looks either mechanical in that fake-skin covered way (or) tattooed on the inner forearm.
    Perhaps it’s a list of must-have items to snaffle at the tea interval.

  16. There’s something there in the second photo as well. Perhaps Sarah can see in the high-res shots? My theory is that Rob had been out clubbing the night before and was unable to remove all traces of the stamp.

    No, no, wait; unwilling. I knew “unable” was wrong even as I typed it.

    (Also, decimate has been being used “incorrectly” since the 17th century. Just saying.)

  17. We don’t.

    Unless repeatedly locking yourself out of your own home on the same day is a skill.

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