Sanath Jayasuriya’s last match

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Get back to parliament, you lazy bastard

Sanath Jayasuriya has finally bowed out of cricket just three days short of his 70th birthday. He departed how he had thrived, with a ferocious cut shot.

Asked to reflect on his career, Jayasuriya may or may not have said:

“Eh? What? Speak up. Why does everybody mumble these days? Is it too much to ask that people speak clearly and audibly? You’re all too busy playing with your iTelephones and Sony PlayMachines to enunciate properly. What’s the world coming to? Bring back conscription, that’s what I say.”


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  1. I wanted to say something about overstaying one’s welcome, but it turns out tomorrow is his birthday and I don’t want to be mean.

    1. One of this article’s lies has been devalued by that revelation.

      Now it just looks like an inaccuracy.

    2. Given you had no idea when his birthday was, it is staggering how you managed to zero in on a day that is just two days off.

      That ain’t no inaccuracy, that’s sorcery.

    3. It’s a type of sorcery called ‘someone on TV mentioned when Sanath Jayasuriya’s birthday was while we weren’t paying attention because we were too busy writing about Martin Rossiter from Gene‘.

  2. Turns out Sri Lanka Cricket – or whatever it’s called now – has announced that the first ODI was only the first leg of Sanath’s farewell. He will be allowed to properly bid farewell to fans in other parts of the world, with the final leg of his multi-legged farewell scheduled for 2015 in Sri Lanka. That is only appropriate.

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