It’s the video for the latest version of Dwayne Bravo’s Champion song, in which our man lists everyone and everything he’s ever encountered and brands them all champions.
Toast is a champion, plate is a champion, floor is a champion, wall is a champion…
If you don’t immediately comprehend the reasoning behind some of the visuals, we recommend that you don’t investigate. The real explanation is unlikely to make you any happier than the idea that they for some reason concluded that a penguin firing lasers at Dwayne Bravo from its eyes was an appropriate inclusion.
The penguin is called Coolio. It is unclear to us whether or not he is the same Coolio who was responsible for Gangsta’s Paradise but it seems pretty safe to assume that he is.
And there we were thinking that promoting a Twenty20 tournament using a robot with flames for eyes was a bit leftfield.
This is quite unusual. We’re not usually right about stuff. Normally, you can ask us questions about things that have happened to us and we’ll get the answers wrong.
“Did Dan tell you he was moving to Australia?”
“No!” [Long pause] “Don’t think so.” [Another long pause] “Well, maybe…”
Maybe we’re only wrong when being right relies on the retention of information.
Not sure we’ve got Imran Khan or Garry Sobers on the cards, but it’s not looking bad.
As a cricket-writer, we’re worried there’ll be no words left in a few years time, because they’ll all have been eaten by Bangladesh criticisers. Shakib Al Hasan will make people backtrack until they’ve returned to the womb. He is the best one-day all-rounder in the world and he is 22. He is not going to get any worse at any point in the next decade. Dwell on that.
Played a bit. Been solid. Time to push on, Dwayne.
The most dangerous batsmen are those who can destroy an attack but don’t feel that they have to. For Dhoni it’s all about the runs. He’ll get them in singles, he’ll get them in ugly works to leg. He doesn’t care. He also doesn’t care about his average. He just wants to win matches.
No, seriously. Matt Prior has been one of the best batsmen in England for quite a while and being as everyone seems to have gone a bit quiet about his keeping, that must be acceptable as well. Despite his hairline, he’s actually 27. He could prove a very important player in the next few years.
Don’t talk him up? Tough shit. We’re starting to believe that he can bowl, which is the main thing, while he’s got bags of time to sort out the batting, which has largely been okay anyway.
In the second Champions League Twenty20 semi final, Trinidad and Tobago’s Dwayne Bravo took 0-46 off three well-spanked overs against Cape Cobras. No matter. He promptly hit 58 off 34 balls to help T&T waltz home. The Dwayne Bravo off-side thock made a couple of appearances.
In many ways this was classic Dwayne Bravo. He approaches everything with such gusto that humiliations are shrugged off before they’ve had a chance to attach themselves to him.
Put Dwayne Bravo in a pair of clown trousers filled with custard and enter him in a 100m race and he’d win. He wouldn’t even notice.
Let’s have a quick show of hands. There can’t be many people who don’t like Dwayne Bravo.
When West Indies beat India on Friday, Bravo took 4-38 and then spanked 66 off 36 balls and most people will have been pretty pleased that he was the player making the difference. We’ve identified three main reasons for Bravo’s appeal.