Video: Cricket, penguins and lasers – together at last

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It’s the video for the latest version of Dwayne Bravo’s Champion song, in which our man lists everyone and everything he’s ever encountered and brands them all champions.

Toast is a champion, plate is a champion, floor is a champion, wall is a champion…

If you don’t immediately comprehend the reasoning behind some of the visuals, we recommend that you don’t investigate. The real explanation is unlikely to make you any happier than the idea that they for some reason concluded that a penguin firing lasers at Dwayne Bravo from its eyes was an appropriate inclusion.

The penguin is called Coolio. It is unclear to us whether or not he is the same Coolio who was responsible for Gangsta’s Paradise but it seems pretty safe to assume that he is.

And there we were thinking that promoting a Twenty20 tournament using a robot with flames for eyes was a bit leftfield.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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      1. We figure it makes more sense to revert to being all dour and po-faced on the cusp of Christmas when everyone’s being all warm and joyous and that.

        If we do Kohli tomorrow, we can maybe then do a Cook captaincy piece as an upbeat festive special.

  1. This really is political correctness gone mad.

    The teams (and indeed the artefacts) cannot all be champions. That’s not how championship really works.

    Bringing up our children to believe that “all are winners”, “all are champions”, “all shall have prizes” and the like, might seem like kindly cosseting, but once the poor little darlings need to stand up for themselves in the real world, then I’m afraid that the mollycoddling ends and the “wrapped in cotton wool brigade” struggle to cope with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

    I also have some concerns about Coolio – is he really a suitable role model given his recent (alleged) crimes and/or misdemeanours?:

    Call me old fashioned, but I am distinctly lukewarm towards Coolio under these circumstances.

    1. How many names would you have us call you by? There is your real name and then there’s Ged. Yesterday I realised to my utter shock that Ivan Meagreheart and Dumbo the Suzuki Jimny were only pseudonyms adopted by Ged*.
      Now this!?

      *(My phone is heartbroken .. Ever since she realised her surname was ‘One Plus’ she’s wanted to be Ivan’s One Plus) (her first name is Lajwanti)

      1. Ivan might be interested, Skid. Lajwanti has seen a picture of Ivan – Ivan would like to see a picture of Lajwanti.

        Ivan Meagreheart The Smart Phone is an anagram of I’m Smarter then the Average Phone.

        Is Lajwanti One Plus a good anagram too? Ivan likes that sort of thing.

        She does know that Ivan is a little on the older side and now retired, doesn’t she? If Lajwanti is young and flighty Ivan will be turned off. I know this from experience; since my new phone, Ivy, came into our lives, Ivan has been permanently turned off.

        But heck. Skid, if we can somehow arrange a match between a couple of lonely meagreheart smartphones, that would be super news for King Cricket readers everywhere.

      2. Aah .. since she learnt that Ivan wasn’t the actual author of those terrific match reports, she’s not interested in him any more.
        I told her that they were written by you, and perhaps she might be interested in you … but she pointed out that you already have a Plus One, and besides she’s not into humanity and other deviant behaviours.

      1. Delighted, Ma’m.

        A strange day becomes yet more strange.

        Firstly, KC inadvertently makes my day by showing me how to embed a video just when I was itching for something of that kind for Ogblog (see below).

        Secondly, I inadvertently make your day, Ma’m, with an Alice in Wonderland quote.

        Increasingly strange to the point of being…

        …curiouser and curiouser.

  2. The locomotive of reason has just left the tracks.

    Perhaps Alistair Cook could do something similar. Apparently he sang like an angel and played clarinet to Grade 8. Something by Aker Bilk seems the obvious choice

  3. Who would have thought that the DJ in DJ Bravo’s name actually stood for DJ? It works on so many levels (well one at least).

    1. His erstwhile team-mate DJG Sammy should not however be confused with DJ Sammy, who is a Spanish, er, DJ.

  4. On a tangentially related note, I really should thank KC for embedding a video in this posting.

    I have been trying to work out how to make postings of my old song parodies sing (as it were) and realised this afternoon that embedding vids the KC way would be the answer.

    A couple of hours later and I have updated the three dozen examples so far on Ogblog – there will be hundreds in the fullness of time.

    Here’s a link to one of them which looks at first glance to be more relevant to the KC site than it really is…but still you might enjoy:

  5. As a German trying to learn about cricket I find all this most extraordinary

  6. It’s a few years late, but I’ll take Dwayne Bravo’s recognition of my nonexclusive champion-ness as better than any spurious AOC prize package could have been.

    I suppose cough syrup is a poor substitute for Coolio, but the video reminded me of an old favourite:

  7. Awww, the video has been blocked on copyright grounds. Way to get me all excited only to punch me in the guts KC.

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