The County Championship – now it’s a crisis

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This sandwich also features guacamole, which would be a good addition actually

Okay, we don’t want you to worry, but things are really getting out of hand now. The nation is going FULLY MENTAL as we approach the climax of the County Championship. You’d better brace yourself, because the story that follows is pretty damn alarming.

Okay, so we were buying a sandwich yesterday. It was chicken and bacon on granary, but something terrible happened. We didn’t get any mayonnaise, even though we’d asked for it TWICE. It is quite clear what happened. The girl responsible for constructing the sandwich was obviously wondering whether Andre Adams would be able to make inroads into the Warwickshire batting line-up this week, thus indirectly helping Lancashire’s ailing title challenge.

Things are so out of control, it might be that we have to take some sort of action so as to prevent any deaths. We could storm the relevant county grounds armed with plastic swords or something. Our mate cut his finger while cleaning a bread knife once, so that’s why we’re saying no to real swords. But it’s up to you if you want to take the risk.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Passed a bus today, around 8.30am, just full of people all clearly going to The Oval. Surrey aren’t even playing there – but they just wanted to – somehow, anyhow! – get closer to the action.

  2. I hardly think a young woman, preoccupied with the relative merits of Paul Franks and Andre Adams, would respond better to a request for guacamole than a request for mayo.

    Wake up and smell the crappuccino, Deep Cower.

  3. “Lancashire’s ailing title challenge.”

    Bad light is currently preventing Warwickshire from adding to their overnight score. If that continues for the next three days, and from here I can’t see any reason why it shouldn’t, Warwickshire will drop out of the race.

    Meanwhile Lancs have scored ANOTHER BONUS POINT, and therefore remain perfectly on track to get the maximum 48 points from this match and the next, which will bring the County Championship back to its natural home for the first time in a million years.

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