Out of the Ashes DVD winners 1-5

Here are the first five winning entries to the Out of the Ashes DVD competition. The other five will appear either tonight or tomorrow, depending on ‘arsedness’ on our part.

We asked you to name a non-Test playing nation and say how you’d get them to the 2015 World Cup.

Bert | Norway, North Korea, Chechnya, anyone really

Discuss the matter with the ICC and the major governing bodies. Arrange a meeting. Turn up in a helicopter carrying twenty million dollars in stolen cash. Job done.

Imran | Switzerland

  1. Persuade Roger Federer to take up professional cricket, pointing out he’d then get to wear flannels more often
  2. Redirect the flow of Saffer migrant cricketers to Switzerland by promising them chocolate
  3. Threaten to freeze the bank accounts of administracrats voting against Switzerland’s admission as a Full Member of the ICC

Peter | Bahamas

They rise from the depths of the ICC World Cricket League Division Eight when I provide them with a magic badger that guides them on their path, explaining that winning is purely a mental state and by drinking enough they can reach this state and become unbeatable … they do!

Brian | USA

I would get America to the 2015 World Cup by making Sarah Palin the captain and telling her that if her team didn’t win Obama would introduce free healthcare for all and would take everyone’s guns off them. Watch her go.

Tim | China

China’s population is 1.3 BILLION. Got to be able to scrape a squad out of that lot. They’ve got all the attributes, too. Freakishly tall? Strike bowler. Zen-like calm? Opening bat. Wizened village elder? New Paul Collingwood. Competition for places is fierce. National pride is at stake. Worked with India.

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19 Appeals

  1. Ooh, bad King! A lot of time & effort went in to my entry….. and you can’t be arsed? Sad times.

  2. Many thanks. Do I make a speech?

  3. Bert, twenty million dollars isn’t what it used to be. Are you sure that’s enough? Today’s administracats may require unprecedented levels of bribery.

    Also, KC, I like the little vignettes in the sign off bit. Lights out in Wonderland is a book I judged by the cover; the cover had DBC Pierre’s name on it…

  4. Actually, I’ve just noticed that they’re autotext adverts. I take it all back.

    • King Cricket

      February 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm

      We’ve written a few sign-offs and it randomly picks one. We’ll write more eventually, but there’s a lot going on at the minute.

  5. string, I not long ago finished Lights Out In Wonderland, and I can recommend it. It’s fine, dissolute, satisfying writing.

    • King Cricket

      February 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm

      We’re sure it’ll work out in the end, but the protagonist is really annoying us, which makes it hard work.

    • I don’t much like his style, he’s not quite got it right, in my opinion. Maybe he’s matured. I’ll see if I can get a copy out the library at some point.

      KC – sorry to have a dig on the ads. Really, they are very inoffensive

  6. Any man who didn’t reward Sarah Canterbury is a man whose rear needs to be kicked.

  7. Also, an off-topic comment: While you are working on the website, do consider taking off a couple of these tables on the side and replacing them with a tag-cloud instead. It saves space, and looks really good.

    • King Cricket

      February 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm

      We HATE tag clouds.

    • !!!!!!

    • King Cricket

      February 10, 2011 at 1:53 pm

      Sorry all your comments got held, Deep Cower. They got picked up as spam for some reason. Not sure why.

      We promise we haven’t put an anti-tag cloud filter on comments.

    • I couldn’t understand the reason myself yesterday, but now I think it was because I provided a link to another site, and this section somehow doesn’t like html links. It is a problem that still persists.

  8. Thanks King. I vote Federer for Lord Megachief of Gold-trimmed sporting apparel 2008-2010

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