Ryan Sidebottom does the necessary

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Do you want to try this home brew, Andrew?We said after the last Test that you need spectacular performances to win Tests and you also need them to give you some breathing room in case of a bad day. England got away with one day of buttery fingers thanks to Tim Ambrose’s hundred and James Anderson’s five wickets.

Ryan Sidebottom got England across the line however, because he’s the very picture of reliability right now. Not literally – if you look at his picture, you think: ‘Get away from me, hippy. How about getting a hair cut and buying some shoes? No, I don’t want to smoke some moss near that weird bit of rock on top of the hill.’

We hope Ryan Sidebottom and Andrew Strauss are getting on well. They should make a really poor-standard sitcom about them.

He’s an uptight businessman with a classical education while he’s a laid-back drop out. For some hugely-contrived reason, they have to share a house together. Andrew can’t understand why Ryan doesn’t open his post as soon as it’s come through the door. Ryan can’t understand why Andrew gets so worked up when the chickens go upstairs and sleep on his bed. All the neighbours think they’re gay.

What japes.

New Zealand v England, second Test at Wellington – day five
England 342 (Tim Ambrose 102, Paul Collingwood 65, Mark Gillespie 4-79, Jacob Oram 3-46)
New Zealand 198 (Ross Taylor 53, Daniel Vettori 50 not out, James Anderson 5-73, Paul Collingwood 3-23)
England 293 (Alastair Cook 60, Paul Collingwood 59, Jacob Oram 3-44)
New Zealand 311 (Brendon McCullum 85, Ross Taylor 55, Ryan Sidebottom 5-105)


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  1. Loving your idea of cricket’s answer to the Odd Couple.

    I can just imagine a scene where a plus-four clad Andrew Strauss lights his pipe, then splutters with fury when he discovers that it’s not St Bruno Ready Rubbed he’s smoking but some of Ryan’s home grown alternative.

    *cue completely over the top studio laughter*

  2. Strauss could be played by Hugh Laurie and Sid by Alan Davies (would be useful if Sid could channel Alan Davies’s aggression and bite the ears off those who misfield to his cracking bowling)

  3. Charles Colville could have a recurring guest role as an intensely irritating neighbour who asks fatuous questions – a dream sequence each week (flagged up by a wibbly-wobbly screen) would see him amusingly done to death.

  4. Michael Vaughan could continually try and enlist the pair in the latest of his hair-brained schemes.

    “Come on guys! Let’s test Mohammad Yousuf with a relentless barrage of leg-side half-volleys!”

  5. Harmy could have a recurring cameo as a paperboy going past on his bike, throwing newspapers into the porches of the houses, but missing by miles.

    If only there were someone who, perhaps, had developed a skill in creating live action scenes using blu tak people, who could make the pilot episode for us.

  6. Miriam is of course referring to The Atheist’s exceptional home-made animation of which this is the latest.

  7. Or perhaps there might be another ballsy filmmaker in the cricket blogosphere, doesn’t have to be from this country, but who may wish to man his pilot with, say, Gilly and Warney.

  8. Absolute genius!

    Vaughan as the scheming DelBoy-style neighbour.

    Freddie as the inaccurate paperboy.

    Add Chris Lewis as the milkman and you’re sorted!

  9. HARMY is the inaccurate paperboy.

    Freddie is Janice from Friends – he pops up once a series only, when you least expect him and in the most incongruous situation imaginable, and then goes away again until next time.

  10. I really am devoting far too much thought to this sitcom but: I had Horny Warney down as the milkman.

  11. If the current batch of British TV is anything to go by, this will probably get made.

    It has more appeal than Cricketer’s Wives, I guess.

    On a related note, does anyone remember Sloggers?

    It followed the “adventures of a junior cricket team in Slogthwaite, Lancashire”, and ‘starred’ the same guy who played the lead in our school version of Joseph & His Technicolour Dreamcoat. Truly.

  12. Richie Benaud has to be involved somehow, maybe as their upstairs neighbour, having to tell the boys off for having too many high jinx..

    They tell him, you can never have too many high jinx Richie..

    Cue canned laughter.

  13. We don’t remember Sloggers. We naively assumed it was because we’re too young, but alas no. It’s because we’re too old.

  14. Sorry Mims – of course it was Harmy that I meant as the inaccurate paper boy.

    Surely Horny Warney as the postman rather than the milkman, in an “always txts twice” kind of way?

    Still, I think Freddie merits more than an occasional spot – can’t he be Harmy’s best mate who occasionally plays cricket with him in the street, with broken windows and other hilarious consequences ensuing?

    Slogthwaite, Lancashire? Inspired. Given my youthful distrust of all things Northern*, I’m not surprised I never noticed that one.

    * i.e. North of Luton. Byker Grove was just gibberish to me.

  15. Curse my cunning attempted use of the en-dash character — it looks as though I’m calling Mimsy something rude. Which I’m not.

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