A series of things for which it’s quite hard to come up with an appropriate headline

Q: What do you call a donkey that was born in New Zealand, grew up in Australia, got a snorter first ball in his first Test but survived and went on to make 88 off 70 balls?

A: A Ronchi

It’s probably not the greatest joke, but that’s not what donkey jokes are about. Donkey jokes are about thinking of words that end in ‘-key’ and then setting that punchline up in painfully long-winded fashion.

What else?

Mark Wood bowled a ball to die for, cementing our love for him. He looks like a man who has spent his entire life perfecting his craft and as such he has been given the reward of six Test wickets.

James Anderson has taken 401 Test wickets.

What else on top of that?

We still have no idea what’s happening in this Test series and it’s a delightful sensation. Win or lose, New Zealand make matches worth watching. They never coast. The game always moves forwards.

We only hope some of this has rubbed off on England. It certainly feels infectious, but then England possess quite a hardy immune system, so who knows.

Is that it?

If you see the Cricinfo headline ‘Transformer blast near Gaddafi stadium,’ it isn’t worth clicking. It’s a massive disappointment being as it features neither Autobots nor Decepticons.

Nor is this the first time that a Transformer’s ruined a cricket match. Not even close.

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19 Appeals

  1. I thought Ronchi was the one who was keeping,and it was the other 3 that weren’t?

  2. Q: If your donkey bites my rooster’s feet off, what do we have?

    A: Two feet of my cock in your ass.

    • Holy Shit. I just had one of those awkward moments on the bus when I was trying not to lose my Shit completely, and ended up just snorting and pretending to cough while other passengers quietly check for the nearest exit. brutally hilarious.

  3. I’m so sorry, I thought I was on an entirely different link

  4. so, is Ronchi’s name pronounced as Ron-ki and not Ron-chee then?

    • yes.

      he is the first luke ever to play test cricket apparently. which is, kind of, i dunno… erm…

    • Q: How can I score 88 off 70 balls whilst only hitting 3 sixes?

      A: Use the fours, Luke.

      I’ll get my coat.

    • That joke deserves a lukewarm reception.

    • Something something tried to play a song but it was in the wrong key.

    • King Cricket

      May 30, 2015 at 1:47 pm

      Q: What do you call a donkey who attempts to bray along with musicians only for the resultant song to sound discordant?

      A: A wrong key.

  5. Tom Latham calls Luke Ronchi “Ronchs”. Possibly “Ronks”.

    See, it’s not just the England team who does apparently upper-class stupid things like this.

  6. Donkey jokes are about thinking of words that end in ‘-key’…

    If only there were a player whose name both ended and started with those three letters, and who could therefore be the enormous butt of a huge gut-full of donkey jokes.

    • King Cricket

      May 30, 2015 at 1:49 pm

      Q: What do you call a donkey who can wield a cricket bat and use it to play like a prince?

      A: A Rob Key

    • The thing with Ronchi is that he has the key bit, but also the preceding on as well. Rob Key doesn’t quite rhyme sufficiently. It’s a shame there isn’t a player whose name both ended and started with those three letters, and who had such an enormous butt and huge gut that he weighed somewhere in the region of TWO TON.

  7. A. Cook for LMoG?

    I’m throwing it out there.

    • I’m more wondering about the lack of articles about the treatment of the GLMoG.

    • King Cricket

      May 30, 2015 at 11:23 pm

      We’ll try and get to it in time, but we don’t always have the time to write about everything. Nor do we always have something worthwhile to say – you may have noticed.

  8. Turned out it wasn’t a “transformer” in Pakistan. Sadly. Gah.

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