2 minute readPaul Collingwood’s been banned for four matches for England’s slow over rate and Kevin Pietersen‘s picked up the reigns to the haggard, lifeless horse that is the England one-day side. We’re not unhappy about this. We’ve said before that we think Kevin Pietersen would make a half-decent captain. KP said
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Running out a player who’s on the deck
< 1 minute readWe like a bit of ruthlessness, but there’s a fairly clear line between ‘ruthlessness’ and ‘being a dick’. We call it the ‘being a dick line’ and we always try and stay the right side of it. England didn’t. Ryan Sidebottom went after the ball and inadvertently decked Grant Elliott
Continue readingLast ball finishes are good whatever length the format
< 1 minute readWhat a great match. What a fantastic finish. One-day cricket’s an idiot – how can it not know that it’s dead? Twenty20 waited for one-day cricket in an Indian backstreet and when one-day cricket arrived, Twenty20 beat it senseless with a black cricket bat. One-day cricket’s bloodied and barely conscious,
Continue readingHalf of England in love with money
< 1 minute readApparently half of the England team would consider retiring early to play in the IPL. The greedy blighters. How dare they come down on the side of fiscal wealth against such lofty notions as pride, honour and respect. How dare they forfeit the unique opportunity to be slagged off in
Continue readingKevin Pietersen’s ‘new shot’
< 1 minute readKevin Pietersen said: “That is a new shot, played today” after twice reversing his stance and whopping Scott Styris for six. No it isn’t. It’s batting left-handed. People have been batting left-handed for a while now. It’s a new approach though, even if it’s not a new shot. Is it
Continue readingAndrew Flintoff unveils his big surprise
< 1 minute read“Voila!” Brilliant, Fred. It’s a cricket ball. We’ve all seen a cricket ball before. What’s next in your box of tricks? A bat? A box?
Continue readingDon’t get a cricketer to do your tiling
< 1 minute readHere’s Ravi Bopara trying to do some tiling. Ravi! Stop! Everyone knows that you’re supposed to apply the adhesive to the wall and not to the tile. Now here’s Charlotte Edwards putting up the exact same tile. Q: How many cricketers does it take to put up one tile? A:
Continue readingKevin Pietersen gets sledged by a worm
< 1 minute read“What did you say, you little bastard?” KP suffered a dislocated little finger and severe bruising to his fist shortly after this picture was taken.
Continue readingOwais Shah attempts to please his masters
< 1 minute readBad dog. No Test career for you.
Continue readingEngland win or lose to New Zealand
< 1 minute readThis is how you write a match report: a week early. England put on a staggering/staggeringly inept performance against New Zealand yesterday, after a topsy-turvy/one-sided contest in which English cricket/New Zealand cricket/cricket/the weather was the only winner. James Anderson opened the bowling and delivered a virtuoso performance/a never-ending supply of
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