< 1 minute readAt the age of 41. Sam emailed to say: “I might write something about how he’s really old and he’s like everyone’s uncle and he’s, like, properly old.” We asked what he might conceivably add to that sentence. Sam concluded that there was nothing to add.
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Broken-window-at-Lord’s-gate – the truth
< 1 minute readMatt Prior: I feel a profound sense of frustration at the cruel manner of my dismissal. What ought a man do to combat this uneasy sensation? Andrew Strauss: Smash that window, innit, brother. Matt Prior: Alas, my calm disposition prevents me from committing such brutish acts. At that exact moment,
Continue readingJonathan Trott bats too quickly
< 1 minute readIn scoring at 77.33 runs per hundred balls, Jonathan Trott careered out of control, like a giant rubber ball belting down Snowdon. That’s the only reason we can come up with as to why he might have got himself out for 58. Or maybe he’s got a weakness against left-arm
Continue readingTillakaratne Dilshan pans a hundred and is arsed about it
< 1 minute readTillakaratne Dilshan celebrated enthusiastically when he reached his hundred. Some will say it was because he’d got his name on the honours board at Lord’s, but we doubt that. Dilshan is the Sri Lanka captain and his team had embarrassed themselves in Cardiff and then done little to repair their
Continue readingAlastair Cook fails to respect the sequence
< 1 minute readCook, Trott, Cook, Trott – we’re just starting to get the hang of writing about the England Test team when Alastair Cook spazzes one straight up in the air on 96. The idiot. Now what have we got? A load of half stories, that’s what. Alastair Cook scores most of
Continue readingJade Dernbach chooses to use his ‘doing arm’
< 1 minute readThanks to Sam for pointing this out – although he did make the mistake of saying “Jade Dernbach has got a tattoo on his doing arm,” which is not quite correct. In reality, the tattoo DENOTES the doing arm. Dernbach is merely acknowledging this by choosing to bowl right-handed –
Continue readingA not-at-all hubristic graph about England’s recent Test form
2 minute readBert writes: Pride comes before a fall, they say. But surely that’s obvious. If you’re ever going to be proud, the time to do it is definitely BEFORE a fall. There’s nothing to be proud about AFTER the fall – you’re too busy being embarrassed and having grazed knees. With
Continue readingSri Lanka slightly taken aback by England attack
< 1 minute readImagine you’re Sri Lanka. You’re four days into the world’s most uneventful bike ride. You’re in the middle of the Nullarbor Plain on a beautiful flat road and you can clearly see that there is nothing threatening for 50 miles in any direction. You’re tootling along at about 8mph feeling
Continue readingIan Bell’s year – an actual opinion
< 1 minute readDon’t be afraid. We’re experimenting with having opinions. We meant to say it before the first Test – and maybe this isn’t the best timing when he’s on 98 not out – but we think Ian Bell will be England’s best batsmen in the next 12 months. Ashes 2010-11 Bell’s
Continue readingJonathan Trott is relentless
< 1 minute readJonathan Trott is on holiday with his family. They decide to play table tennis – winner stays on. After Trott has won the first 18 games, Mrs Trott quietly suggests that he might like to find a way to let the kids win a couple. Trott says no. After 86
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