Check out these magnificent beer-carrying cricket bat devices

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< 1 minute read

Ged spotted these in the beer garden bar of The Milk House, Sissinghurst, Kent.

He wasn’t sure whether they qualified for our regular feature Cricket Bats In Unusual Places or whether they might give rise to a whole new feature based on The Device. (Somewhat surprisingly, this is actually the second time someone has contacted us about another version of The Device.)

Ged said: “The bartender, who I think might have been Henry, claimed that the bats/devices are not as useful as they look, because the bar serves beer in tall glasses that don’t really fit in those holes.”

It’s not the bats/devices that are the problem here, Possibly Henry – it’s your glasses.

Why would any establishment seek out and purchase glasses that failed to work in conjunction with these magnificent objects?

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  1. In sort-of-related news, I noticed on a recent visit that Old Trafford now offers the ‘£1 deposit for a cup with a picture of cricketers on it’ beer container option, as opposed to the ‘flimsy beer-snake building material that you can’t carry more than 2 of with your bare hands’ option.

    Needless to say I now drink the majority of beverages at home from a container featuring Anderson, Buttler, Flintoff et al

    1. They’ve gone for Lancashire cricketers then. Thought they might at least introduce a new one specifically for each international fixture.

      This would inevitably feature players who were either injured or dropped and would therefore instantly become a collectible.

    2. I’ve got one of those cups from Edgbaston. It took us almost a year to work out that one of the players was Shaun Pollock. Looks nothing like him.

      1. The holes and the bat have been co-located. If you place a cricket bat inside four spatial voids, each smaller in diameter than the bat is wide, this is the inevitable result.

  2. I definitely encourage the idea of a new feature based on the Device but surely a prerequisite would be that the device has to be shown carrying beer.

  3. These must be the bats the Australians are using at the moment. You see? Because of the holes in them, like so that explains why they keep getting out, because of the holes. Although getting the ball clean through one of them would be nigh on impossible, but still. Australians, right?

  4. I reckon you could make a set of coasters out of the surplus cylindrical bits of wood, (if you were that way inclined ). In any case I think the holes should start nearer to the shoulder of the bat so you can get a better hold at the toe while carrying.

    1. Could India (and, I concede, England’s top order) not use these bats for ‘batting’? The edge and splice is still fully functional, and on the rare occasions they did manage to middle one, there’s a fair chance it would whistle straight through onto the pad, which was the instrument of choice for playing the ball in the second test at HoC.

  5. Daisy and I are with KC on this one…we were bitterly disappointed when we learnt that said devices were non functional with the extant glassware.

    We were lagerly disappointed too. Also stoutly disappointed. You get the idea.

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