England aren’t the best one-day side but neither are Australia

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A 5-0 win for England in this one-day series would have sent them to the top of the one-day rankings. That would have been as anomalous as “multi-coloured sweets in white sweet pack” to needlessly quote The Fall’s Mark E Smith.

That line appears in a song called The Joke, which is how we can consider Australia’s current number one status. Every side touring England harbours realistic hopes of nicking the one-day series even if they’ve been mullered in the Tests. Recent English improvements shouldn’t change that to this extent.

Australia have been as soundly beaten as a naughty egg that had stolen from a woman in the Victorian era. They’ve been whipped like masochistic cream which had been found guilty of heresy during the Tudor period.

Ravi Bopara has two wickets at 24.5 and has conceded 3.26 runs an over. That says it all.



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  1. “Every side touring England harbours realistic hopes of nicking the one-day series even if they’ve been mullered in the Tests.”

    Because they’re living in the past, basically.

    England have won every ODI series here since the post Ashes series in 2009. Before that, they thrashed the South Africans 4-0. Over the last five years, England have betean everyone here, including India and now the Aussies twice.

    Maybe it’s time to accept that, at least at home, we’re actually a very good one-day team.

    Or we can just ignore all the results and say England must be pants because they’re England.

  2. This new generation of Australian players were in danger of developing too much self-confidence, and we all know the trouble that self-confident Australians can cause. So I hope that everyone understands the point of this series now.

  3. “there’s just something missing. I’m not sure what it is. Is it character, is it ambition? I’m not sure – there’s just something clearly missing.”

    The missing something is talent, Micky.

    “hats off to England, they’re outstanding, but they’re only doing the basics well. Cricket’s about basics – we’ve got to do the basics better, we’ve got to be nailing those basics”

    England have more talent, Micky.

    1. Axiom 1 – Australia are naturally better at cricket than England.

      Fact – England has just walloped Australia at cricket, extending a series of Australia wallopings by England at cricket.

      Conclusion – There must be a subtle reason why this has happened, because Axiom 1 rules out it being anything to do with Australian cricket.

      That’s the sort of thinking that will keep Australia at the bottom of the pile for many years to come. Bugger, we’ve lost another series. It must have been the biscuits. Quick lads, change the biscuits.

  4. More joy from the mouth of Mickey Arthur, referring to the injury to Shane Watson, and thus his future as a bowler.

    “We want Watto as an all-rounder. He gives us immense value and great balance. We need to have Watto as an all-rounder in that team for the balance of the side.”

    “It seems that he bats well for a period of time then he doesn’t bowl well. And if he bowls well he doesn’t bat well.

    At this stage you’d think the journalist might have referred him back to the first part of his statement, and asked him if he knew the meaning of the word “balance”. If the second part is correct, they’re not picking an all-rounder. They are picking either a batsman or a bowler, but they don’t know which.

    1. There you go again, classic British style. I am no Aussie supporter, but I can’t stand someone twisting Arthur’s (who??) words. He meant “balance” as in Shane Watson has a bum leg and cannot balance himself in an upright position. In addition to being a mediocre bowler and piss poor batsman, Watson now cannot stand up straight. Also, all these days he has helped correcting the spinal position of many of his friends. So now that he’s gone, the balance of the side has taken a beating. It is being rumoured that Michael Clarke literally crawled to the bathroom yesterday.

  5. SOMEONE has to be the best team. Best is relative, not absolute so you can’t say “no-one is good enough to be the best”. If neither England or Australia are the best, who is? Candidate who have not recently been beaten by one or the other aren’t legion.

  6. Daneel, old boy, you posted (far more succinctly than me) whilst I was typing.

    1. Dunno. The various contenders are so different it’s like comparing apples and oranges – entirely fruitless.

      Wait, that doesn’t make sense.

    2. That is where your argument gets a bit weak and floppy. Neither England or Australia are the best, neither is anyone else, but there isn’t really such as thing as the best anyway because of something to do with fruit and who raised anyone being “the best” in the first place?

  7. If we stick to the theory that the World Cup is the only thing that matters in ODIs, then surely the current champions are the best. Except when they play outside their own country.

    1. Who are the current champions? I can’t remember. England won something a while back, I recall. Is it them?

  8. The thing that made me laugh is Ravi’s stats, is he now becoming England’s Watto?

    An average bowler (ok, crap bowler) who can take wickets, and as a batsmen – he always gets a start but rarely finishes the job off.

  9. The Best one day side is the West Indies…

    …the only ODI side at the moment capable of fielding The Best…

    …mind the windows, Tino.

  10. Yes you are right and i am completely agree with you, and when you talking about Australian side you should keep in mind that when Australia was the world champion he had legends in their team like Adam Gilcrist, McGrath etc and now they don’t have therefore it is not good one day cricket team now.

  11. All joking aside, Ged’s point about West Indies isn’t too far from the truth, they do look a well balanced ODI side these days. Could see Windies taking anyone on at the moment.

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