A 5-0 win for England in this one-day series would have sent them to the top of the one-day rankings. That would have been as anomalous as “multi-coloured sweets in white sweet pack” to needlessly quote The Fall’s Mark E Smith.
That line appears in a song called The Joke, which is how we can consider Australia’s current number one status. Every side touring England harbours realistic hopes of nicking the one-day series even if they’ve been mullered in the Tests. Recent English improvements shouldn’t change that to this extent.
Australia have been as soundly beaten as a naughty egg that had stolen from a woman in the Victorian era. They’ve been whipped like masochistic cream which had been found guilty of heresy during the Tudor period.
Ravi Bopara has two wickets at 24.5 and has conceded 3.26 runs an over. That says it all.