England have a new coach!

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He’s called Nigel or something. We’re not sure. We haven’t really been paying attention. From what we can tell, he’s been coaching a club in South Wales and he once appeared in an episode of Knight Rider. He seems well qualified.

Jason Gillespie had of course been the favourite for the job, but was ruled out when Andrew Strauss realised he was the guy who took 7-37 against England back in 1997. Upon learning that his application had been unsuccessful, Gillespie was heard to spit the word “curses” in an evil voice.

To be honest, we wondered whether there might have been a case for having no coaches whatsoever. The players seem to have gone okay unsupervised this last week or so. ‘Old school’ is apparently the most sophisticated, advanced coaching approach there is these days. What could be more old school than just having players and no support staff?

17 comments

  1. His name is Trevor. Trevor Bayliss. He played cricket professionally from 1985 to 1997. In 1991, presumably bored during a match, he invented the wind-up radio. This allowed information about HIV and AIDS to get to remote parts of Africa, saving very many lives. It is this ability to do actual miracles that Strauss was looking for, although England winning the Ashes is thought to be a step beyond mere miracles.

    1. Genuinely gutted to learn it’s not the same guy. Our Bayliss has an additional, some might say superfluous, ‘S’. You generally do need a double consonant to ‘get on’ in this England side nowadays.

  2. More worrying is that he has invented electric shoes that can transmit his thoughts directly into the brains of the England cricketers.

  3. Tremor Pelvis. Now there’s a coach who will make every Aussie quake in his boots.

  4. Really, you’d have to worry about the suitability of any candidate prepared to work for the ECB.

    1. You do wonder whether the fact that he was ‘initially lukewarm’ about the job clinched it for him.

    2. And Jason Gillespie’s interest in the position ruled him out. Strauss was just checking on his mental health when they spoke.

  5. Future press conferences should involve the words ‘believe’ and ‘hope’ somewhere in each one. This should be results-independent and sound desperate even in a positive scenario, on the field.

  6. No coach allows players to relax and captain to lead. I’m with Chappelli and Warnie on this.

  7. Off topic, but I feel someone needs to pull Joe Root up on this:

    “Farby knows him well and speaks very highly off him…”

    Farby? Really? He’s the interim head coach fore cripes sake! Surely “Mr Farbrace”, “the Gaffer” or at the very least “Paul”. Honestly Joe, a nation is already viewing you as the FEC, please don’t go down this shameless route of trying to earn a high rating for guff-talking in the second edition of KC’s BFTD!

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