King Cricket

May 12, 2008 County cricket

Simon Jones and his injuries

2 minute readAndrew Flintoff is injured again. If only there were another English fast-bowling hope we could all idiotically and unreasonably crush with our mindless, unjustified hope. Step forward Simon Jones. Step forward carefully though. Don’t want you twisting an ankle or rupturing your pancreas or something. Simon Jones took 5-32 yesterday

May 11, 2008 England

Matthew Hoggard hatches fiendish plot to get back into the England team

< 1 minute readHe’s going to distract one of the Test team while they’re driving, causing them to have a car accident. “I need to keep knocking on the door because they’re in the driving seat at the moment.” We never thought he’d stoop so low.

May 10, 2008 County cricket / England

Andrew Flintoff bowling like a beast

< 1 minute readNot a cow or an ocelot or a langur monkey, but some sort of robotic beast specifically created to fire out intimidating back-of-a-length bowling. Paul Horton’s hundred looks even better after Durham were bowled out for 90. James Anderson took most of the wickets, but according to Lancashire’s captain, Stuart

May 9, 2008 County cricket

Paul Horton scores while bigger names don’t

< 1 minute readLancashire 143 (thanks to Mark Davies), Durham 114 (thanks to James Anderson and Andrew Flintoff), Lancashire 293 and Durham 28-3 (Flintoff again). As it stands, that 293 looks out of place. What happened? It was Paul Horton, Lancashire’s opener. No-one else in the match has passed 40. Horton made 108

May 8, 2008 County cricket

RWT Key lbw bowled Martin for 24

< 1 minute readIt was going down leg. We haven’t seen it, but it was definitely going down the legside. If anyone out there thinks that Rob Key was genuinely dismissed, they’d better steel themselves for the consequences. The consequences are that we will politely disagree with them.

May 8, 2008 County cricket

Who is James Tomlinson?

< 1 minute readEverybody’s asking. We’ve already told you. James Tomlinson was our mate at school. We played cricket using a fire grate as stumps. James spent a period carrying a small piece of fabric around in his pencil case. He said it was a dog. He said the dog was called ‘Turbo’.

May 7, 2008 County cricket

Mark Davies materialises

< 1 minute readWe’ve always liked Mark Davies. He was like the invisible man that only we could see. If he wasn’t injured, he’d be there, chipping away for Durham, taking 2-30 or 3-45 – nondescript-yet-efficient bowling figures that kept his first-class average surprisingly low. It was 22.63 before this match. But now

May 7, 2008 Match report

Lancashire v Somerset County Championship match report

2 minute readMatch reports are still welcome. James writes: The start had been delayed, but when I arrived John Holder and Nigel Cowley were already on their way to the wicket, despite the fact that the main cover was still in place and it was raining quite hard. They gave up and

May 6, 2008 County cricket

Lancashire lose to Scotland again

< 1 minute readThere were some low-scoring matches in the Friends Provident Trophy this weekend and not only where matches were shortened because of rain. Scotland, who had won at Old Trafford in 2003 and 2007 managed a relatively feeble 155-9 from their 50 overs, but Lancashire completely ballsed up their chase and

May 4, 2008 Australia / India

Ringing endorsement of Ricky Ponting’s form from Australia’s coach

< 1 minute readTim Nielsen had the following to say about Ricky Ponting’s four matches for Kolkata Knight Riders, during which he scored 20, 19 and two golden ducks: “I am sure the opportunities to bat outside against net bowlers over there in India will hold him in good stead.”