Peter Siddle’s UNBELIEVABLE skill

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Dear Australia, Regarding the faces attached to your young cricketers...Everyone’s got a skill. Everyone’s got one thing that they’re inexplicably good at.

For many people it’s something useful, like having the ability to retain facts. Other people have more specific abilities, like being good at table tennis without every really having played before. Our skill is drinking litres and litres of water if we do anything remotely physical. We can’t actually carry enough if we’re climbing a hill or something.

Australia’s new fast bowler, Peter Siddle, has a skill. Peter Siddle’s skill is that he’s really, really good at chopping wood.

According to Cricinfo, he was so good at chopping wood that he did it competitively. “District under-age woodchopping titles came his way in his early teenage years.”

Under-age woodchopping titles, not ‘youth woodchopping titles’.

That’s quite apart from the most obvious question, which is: woodchopping titles?


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. “Under-age woodchopping titles” sounds decidedly seedy to me. I here by denounce all under-age woodchopping as sick and wrong. I’ll alert the Daily Mail, you go get the pitch forks.

  2. Under-age woodchopping? So he wasn’t even doing proper woodchopping, just cutting down weak, defenceless saplings?

    Disgraceful behavior.

  3. He’s a fast bowler and he’s okay,
    He sleeps all night and he bowls all day.

    He cuts down trees, he bowls offstump,
    He goes to the lavatory.
    He’s on a tour of dusty lands,
    With Ashes dreams set free.

    He cuts down trees, he bounces Singh,
    He likes to make appeals.
    He puts on women’s clothing,
    And with Haydos has his meals.

    He cuts down trees, he wears high heels,
    Suspenders and a bra.
    But he’s still a convict,
    Just like great grandpapa.

  4. Political correctness is for losers — it’s all about intent.

    Besides which, if it’s good enough for the Barmy Army…

    Would you believe how few monosyllabic Indian batsmen there are in the current squad?

  5. I’ve just looked at the woodchopping clip. I am worried about Peter Siddle already. If he is used to repeatedly aiming an axe between his own feet at a piece of wood on which he is standing (and has not yet cut off either foot), then placing a ball onto a pitch should be a piece of piss for him.

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