Tim Bresnan is two players in one

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Tim Bresnan only lacks the fiving ability of Panesar

More specifically, Tim Bresnan, England’s fifth-choice seamer, is Ben Hilfenhaus and Peter Siddle rolled into one.

Bresnan has the fitness, pace and accuracy of Siddle. He also bowls away swing with the new ball and reverse swing later on like Ben Hilfenhaus. Oh, and he can bat.

Bresnan’s reputation as a fatty is almost entirely down to his abnormally round head. His big tree trunk arms probably add to the impression as well, but he’s basically fat-free. Imagine a burly puma. He’s all muscle.


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  1. Dear King Cricket Readers,

    In attempt to build bridges and put the past warring to bed KC invited me over to his house to watch the cricket last night.

    Here are two true things which (that?) happened:

    1. He cooked a plate of chicken thingys on kebab spears. There were lots of them. He ate them ALL himself. FACT.

    2. When I woke this morning and tried to leave I’d found that he’d locked me in the spare bedroom. FACT. After three hours he finally appeared and let me out and made excuses about the door sticking (the door wasn’t ‘sticking’ it had been tampered with). FACT.

    I thought it only fair to warn people. If you get an invite it’s likely that you will end up hungry and locked up. Basically a visit to his house is like prison without the meals.

  2. A person who turns his nose up at chicken yakatori is just the kind of sociopath who would deliberately tamper with a bedroom door so that he had a “reason” to wake his host at 8am. FACT.

  3. After two or three TTN vigils we can all get a bit tetchy, even when things are going infeasibly well, cricketwise.

    Chill, guys.

  4. I dunno KC I’m a bit worried by the last paragraph. It sounds far too much like you’re trying to persuade a female mate to go on a date with him

  5. Listen Dandy Dan, Knowing KC isn’t a good thing. And if I was bigging myself up I would tell you that Norris from Corrie sometimes has his lunch in my uncle’s cafe. Now, that my friend, is what you call A FACT IN YOUR FACE.

  6. Dandy Dan: “blatAnt”

    Ged: “UNfeasibly”

    Late nights are no excuse for a fall in standards.

  7. I went with His Majesty’s spell checker, AWK Pedant.

    Were it not for Buster Gonad, I suspect that unfeasibly and infeasibly would be equally rare usages in the UK.

  8. It’s not a draw, Sam. It’s a Retain. While I accept that if you were discussing this with a German they would undoubtedly say that a Retain is not a win, all you need to do is imagine what Ricky Ponting would have said in September 2005 had Pietersen been out for 12 and Hayden and Langer had knocked of the required runs in 15 overs. Australia would have only “drawn” the series, but 18 years would have become 22 (probably) and their sense of superiority would not have even been scratched.

    That said, my case of wine bet with an Aussie does require an actual series win, so while in cricket terms the Sydney test will be a dead rubber, England still has something important to play for.

  9. Hello TTNT confreres!
    Duvet and electric blanket at the ready.
    Test Match Sofa in my ear.
    Laptop on.
    What could go wrong?

  10. The only thing that could go wrong, Jo, is that it all finishes in the next ten minutes and we all have to go to bed.

  11. I’m already in bed.
    It could be the way that county cricket could induce the paying public through the doors – have rows of beds instead of seats.
    Add in Duvets (variety of TOGs), Toast, Beer – it’s a winner.
    Especially in the early season county championship matches.

  12. I think you might be on to something there Jo. There have been plenty of county cricket matches that I’ve seen that would have been immeasurably improved by not actually being able to see the cricket. So beds, duvets, laptops, beer and toast, all behind the sight screens. It’s a winner.

  13. Hunkered down for the inevitable win and retention of the Ashes.

    Slightly surprised but unconcerned that we enter the 2nd hour of the day’s play.

    Daisy has drifted down the leg side of the duvet, succumbing to Morpheus. Tut tut.

  14. Hi again TTNTers. This is dragging a bit isn’t it. After massive christamas drinking (and ttnt deprivation) I was hoping for an early……….hang on…wicket!

  15. and then all of a sudden it was over

    feels weird to be celebrating alone in my sitting room with a duvet and laptop for company but I suspect Mr Kirst would be indifferent if I woke him up

  16. Mr Jo Fitz displayed his indifference about an hour ago. Duvets and laptops come into their own at times like these.

  17. I refuse to accept it. Harris didn’t bat so you only got 9 second innings wickets. Let’s call it a draw. Please.

  18. Marvellous. And without wanting to sound greedy, I do hope we wrap it up and win the series next week.

    I can’t wait for the celebratory Venn.


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