Jacob Oram and his face

Bowled on 19th May, 2008 at 20:43 by
Category: England cricket news, Jacob Oram, New Zealand

Jacob Oram celebrates being oversizedMost teams struggle for all-rounders. In New Zealand they’re ten a penny. If only they could find a couple more half-decent specialist batsmen, they’d be a force to be reckoned with.

This new batting line-up’s missing a few of the bigger names, of course, but even those batting absentees dabbled with the ball: Craig McMillan, Scott Styris, Nathan Astle.

Now, with Daniel Vettori and Brendon McCullum, New Zealand are still well off for all-rounders. Then there’s Jacob Oram as well, who hit a muscly 101 as New Zealand easily saved the first Test. (Bloody weather. Bloody light-accepting batsmen.)

Why does Jacob Oram look so old? He’s only 29. Is it because he’s suffering from some kind of gigantism? Not only is he six-foot-many and burly, he’s also got a head that’s too big for an already gargantuan body. But not only that. He’s also got a face that’s too big for the head that’s too big for the body.

Somebody somewhere has made an almighty error of scale when constructing Jacob Oram. Mr and Mrs Oram, we’re looking at you.

England v New Zealand, first Test at Lord’s – day five
New Zealand 277 (Brendon McCullum 97, Ryan Sidebottom 4-55, James Anderson 3-66)
England 319 (Michael Vaughan 106, Andrew Strauss 63, Alastair Cook 61, Daniel Vettori 5-69)
New Zealand 269-6 (Jacob Oram 101, Jamie How 68)
Match drawn

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  1. Reply
    Dada   //   May 19th, 2008 at 22:34

    Hayden and Oram should swap heads and become two normally proportioned cricketers

  2. Reply
    Thomas Rooney   //   May 19th, 2008 at 23:37

    Agree that New Zealand do have the makings of a good side.
    The likes of How, Oram, McCullum, Vettori and Martin are very decent cricketers. They just haven’t (at the moment) got enough to consistentley score 400, which is something you have to do if you are going to reguarly win test matches.

    As for Oram – no matter how big his head is, how old he looks – he is still a World Class (just) player who gives this New Zealand side a much better look about them.

  3. Reply
    Rusty   //   May 20th, 2008 at 00:05

    It’s not “old” but “ruggged” _ that’s the word you’re looking for. Or “weathered”. It’s a look that’s sadly lacking from the modern facialed, and coiffured sportsman. It comes from living in the countryside. England doesn’t have any of that anymore, NZ has nothing else.

  4. Reply
    Miriam   //   May 20th, 2008 at 00:25

    Jacob Oram is a fine figure of a man.

  5. Reply
    SimonC   //   May 20th, 2008 at 01:27

    Anyone else think he always looks slightly put out by having to play international cricket? A bit like he’s got a couple hundred head of sheep out on a hillside somewhere on the South Island that need shearing really badly, but they’ve come along and asked him to provide nuggetty middle order backbone and, well, it’s his country calling so what’s a man to do?

    Cos I think that.

  6. Reply
    SimonC   //   May 20th, 2008 at 01:35

    The NZ selectors have come along, I mean, not the sheep. Jacob Oram doesn’t look like the sort of man who hears talking sheep.

  7. Reply
    Jrod   //   May 20th, 2008 at 06:19

    I have a sheep who gives me share advice.

    He isn’t very good at it.

  8. Reply
    scorpicity   //   May 20th, 2008 at 08:04

    The joy of England blowing another one is unbound… hail oram

  9. Reply
    Ne   //   May 20th, 2008 at 10:52

    [insert raterh lame and boring joke about Kiwis and sheep here]

  10. Reply
    Ne   //   May 20th, 2008 at 10:53

    that “raterh” should rather read “rather”.

  11. Reply
    Sarah, Canterbury   //   May 20th, 2008 at 21:12

    Aw bless Thomas properly talking about cricket. He’ll learn.

    I’ll echo that Miriam. Took some rather fetching photos of Mr Oram when he came to Canterbury recently. Amazed they were in focus as I was a little on the excited side…

  12. Reply
    Dave   //   May 20th, 2008 at 23:34

    In fact, Jrod, you might say he’s rather baaad at it!

    I’m really sorry.

  13. Reply
    Emz   //   May 21st, 2008 at 01:25

    I echo Miriam and Sarah, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Oram. Would rather ‘tap that’ than Flintoff.

  14. Reply
    Spigot   //   May 21st, 2008 at 21:28

    Going by the expression on his face in the photo I wouldn’t be too sure he’d be that interested. More up for Mr Atheist I reckon.

  15. Reply
    Miriam   //   May 22nd, 2008 at 16:11

    No, Spigot, he’d just spotted me in the crowd.

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