< 1 minute read Giles Clarke says England fans shouldn’t boo Ricky Ponting. He thinks it shows a lack of respect for a great batsman. He thinks it’s offensive. Well, you can happily discard Giles Clarke and his comments. Giles Clarke likes being photographed next to a big box of money. Not only that,
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Peter Siddle runs in all day
< 1 minute read This seems to be Peter Siddle’s greatest strength in the eyes of his team mates. When asked about their bowling attack, Australian players refer to Johnson’s speed, Hilfenhaus’s swing, Clark’s control and Siddle’s ability to run in all day. You don’t want bowlers to run in all day. You want
Continue readingThe Gospel According to Haydos
< 1 minute read During his appearances on Test Match Special, Matthew Hayden has rather surprisingly revealed a hitherto concealed ability to talk sense. More reassuringly, he’s also been showcasing his nonsense, which is what we’re more interested in. No-one talks meaningless bollocks quite like Matthew Hayden. Consider the following examples – all from
Continue readingPhil Hughes isn’t playing
< 1 minute read A few weeks ago, back when you couldn’t take a crap without someone knocking on the door and telling you how great he was, we said that Phil Hughes might just be a massive disappointment. Being dropped for Shane Watson is probably classed as disappointing. But don’t worry. The stumpy
Continue readingMitchell Johnson leaves a straight one
< 1 minute read You couldn’t make it up. Mitchell Johnson LITERALLY doesn’t know what a straight delivery is. James Anderson pointed one towards the stumps and Johnson, alarmed, thought: ‘What the hell is that?’ and padded up. The umpire’s finger rose. Johnson is probably still pondering this exotic trickery now; planning how he’ll
Continue readingShane Watson throws England’s bowlers
< 1 minute read You’ve got to feel for England’s bowlers. How were they supposed to react to Shane Watson? They prepare themselves for bowling at stubbly-faced munchkin, Phil Hughes, but against all expectation are suddenly confronted with a creepy-looking, gym-bodied albino instead. It must be like bowling at a fearful ghost. Not the
Continue readingGraham Manou’s playing
< 1 minute read It’s entirely in keeping with Graham Manou’s unremarkable tour that it took us until 6pm to realise he was actually playing. Considering the Australian players with most column inches have been Phil Hughes and Mitchell Johnson, low-key Manou might be a cause for concern. We know that he’s a wicketkeeper,
Continue readingDropping Mitchell Johnson
< 1 minute read Dear Australia, Please retain your erratic kack-hander. His ingenious bowling tactic of surprising the batsman with a delivery that isn’t a full-pitched, legside wide really lends itself to our unsophisticated ‘repeat until funny’ approach to writing a website. We have upwards of 200 “jokes” wherein Johnson grasps at the air
Continue readingShane Warne as commentator for Sky Sports
< 1 minute read As a commentator, Shane Warne‘s all that’s good about Australians: he’s straightforward, honest and not afraid to say what he’s thinking. Warne’s at his best describing spin bowling, but it’s also fascinating to hear about life in the Australia team. Without actually saying that he thought any particular player was
Continue readingMitchell Johnson finds top form
< 1 minute read Mitchell Johnson was allowed seven whole overs against Northamptonshire and didn’t bowl a single wide. Sure, he didn’t take any wickets, but when you’re up against batsmen like Alex Wakely and Riki Wessels, it’s bound to be tough for a bowler. Johnson’s got a really good chance of hitting the
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