England v Australia, first Test, day two
Absolutely everybody following the first Ashes Test has been left utterly astonished after the two teams played fairly normal Test cricket for most of day two.
Set against a backdrop of England’s recent history and a first day where wickets had fallen regularly and Steve Smith had played the greatest innings that people with fairly serious memory problems could remember, no-one knew quite what to expect from Friday’s play.
The one thing absolutely no-one had banked on was a sizeable volume of fairly normal Test cricket.
“Fairly normal Test cricket – when was the last time you saw that?” asked tubby England fan, Aaron Charcoal. “England were 10-0 overnight, so I put a five grand bet on them being bowled out for less than 18. I thought it was a dead cert.”
Sadly for Charcoal, the unthinkable happened: one of England’s openers – Rory Burns – hung around for a bit and scored quite a few runs.
As a consequence, England positively soared past his 18-run prediction.
“I did not see that coming,” commented self-proclaimed Australia “megafan” Mitch Threegonads. “I did not see that coming at all. You look at England’s batting line-up and you think, ‘no way these guys are gonna play fairly normal Test cricket for any length of time.’ But they did, didn’t they?
“Didn’t they? I haven’t got that wrong, have I? I had a few blue WKDs, so I might have got that wrong.”
Threegonads didn’t have it wrong. Unbelievably – unimaginably – the England team somehow managed to play fairly normal Test cricket for a sizeable proportion of the day.