Five ways Rahkeem Cornwall is like a cat

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Six-foot-six and a hundred tons, Rahkeem Cornwall is a cricketer who’s hard to ignore.

We do not plan on ignoring him.

This is how he’s like a cat.

(1) Conserves energy wherever possible

Never run if you can walk. Never walk if you can stroll. Never stroll if you can stand still. Never stand still if you can conceal yourself beneath a sofa and go to sleep.

Concealment under a sofa is, rather obviously, not an option for Rahkeem Cornwall, which is why he does quite a lot of standing still.

(2) Cat-like reflexes

HOWEVER, when it is time to move… by God, Cornwall lashes out faster than the eye can see. He then immediately reverts to motionlessness.

Not many would have caught that awkward flyer off Rory Burns’ edge. (Not even a cat actually, what with the whole ‘lack of opposable thumbs’ thing and also the ‘terrified of absolutely everything including cricket balls’ thing.)

(3) Bowls finger spin

Like Phil “The Cat” Tufnell.

(4) Makes himself look big to intimidate his foes

A cat will fluff up its fur and make its tail big so as to look more intimidating when confronted by a foe.

Working to the same principle, Cornwall sometimes dons a second hat.

(5) Challenges the batsman with his uncommonly high release point, accuracy and the occasional innovative variation

We may have confused ‘a cat’ with ‘Sulieman Benn’ here.

It’s a common mistake.

12 comments

  1. I fervently hope this is the start of a series comparing players to domesticated animals

  2. I don’t think Rahkeem Cornwall could creep up on you unnoticed and then jump on your lap,

    I don’t think Rahkeem Cornwall could prowl around the Noddyland garden looking for unsuspecting birds, sometimes jumping up on the trellis in the process.

    I don’t think Rahkeem Cornwall would run away like the clappers if I were to bark at him in my near-legendary “mad dog” fashion. In fact I think Rahkeem Cornwall would probably stay put and chortle instead.

    I don’t think Rahkeem Cornwall is like a cat.

  3. I note that the recently-republished Stuart Broad hook shot article likens Broad to a cat, and – as this article notes – at least one other cricketer has been so notably feline as to have attracted the nickname ‘The Cat’. Is it possible that in fact ALL cricketers are similar to cats?

    They do spend a significant proportion of the time apparently doing very little (either in the pavilion or in the field) and are yet seemingly ever-ready to react quickly when something happens.

    Their days are structured primarily around mealtimes and food.

    They are often strangely afraid of ducks.

    As of yet I have seen little evidence with regard to whether cricketers like being scratched behind their ears. More research is needed.

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