Graeme Swann, his cat and drink driving

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The cat engineered this situation as revenge for being forced to eat dry food

Another day, another cricket story where all the most important facts are being omitted. Graeme Swann’s defence for being caught driving while slightly under the influence at 3am was that he had to go and get some screwdrivers from Asda because the cat was caught under the floorboards.

So many questions unanswered:

  • Does the cat piss in his kit bag to claim it as its own?
  • Why doesn’t Graeme own any screwdrivers? What does he use to ruin screw heads so that no-one can ever get them out again?
  • Why does he drive a sportscar?
  • What had he been drinking?
  • Has the cat apologised for being an idiot?


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Hi

    I work with the Barmy Army and follow your blog. You have asked the questions that the press dare not! Although maybe not the cat’s fault, it was apparently some builders who did it accidently.
    However, if you are planning ahead to the Ashes then you only have 13 DAYS LEFT to win an amazing Barmy Army Experience of a lifetime at the Ashes in Australia this winter!!! Click here to enter NOW!!!!

  2. this is an extraordinary development. either hayley is a real person or a very convincing spambot.

  3. More importantly, are we to see pictures of Graeme Swann’s cat showing indifference to any of the following:

    * cricket
    * Graeme Swann
    * screwdrivers
    * floorboards
    * sports cars
    * traffic cops?

  4. And why would you need a screwdriver if your cat was under the floorboards anyway? The best way to lift floorboards is surely to use a bolster or cold chisel to lift a board from one end, and then a claw hammer as a lever. No screws involved.

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