One of the World Cup mascots is called Tonk

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2 minute read

The other one is called Blaze, but we do not care for Blaze.

This is Blaze.

Let us never speak of Blaze again.

This is Tonk.

Tonk is, “a super cool batter who tonks every ball.”

We like Tonk. This is largely because we like the word ‘tonk’. It is a word we have always used and we do not believe others use it enough.

Tonk is a person who had their promotional cricket bat printed for left-hand use, even though the whole point of their existence is to promote cricket by batting right-handed.

Tonk is slapdash and incompetent.

We endorse Tonk.

Tonk and the other one play their cricket on a ground that floats in space.

Why do fictional cricket grounds always float in space now?

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  1. Tonk appears to be wearing upper body armour, but no box. Meanwhile Blaze (sorry) has arm guards. What’s going on?

    1. Assuming Tonk is an alien, we can’t know for certain the locations of sensitive areas.

      1. Fair point. It looks like they both have hair (or some alien equivalent) powerful enough to serve as a helmet.

  2. Going to be tough for the bowlers to get it to swing in an environment which appears to have no actual air.

    I would say the lack of atmosphere is worse than a Test in the UAE but I see this space-based ground doesn’t even seem to have any spectators. Or fielders. Or non-strikers.

    I am almost suspicious that they haven’t really thought this whole thing through.

    1. It could just be Tonk engaging in some Hayden-style mental visualisation ahead of the game.

  3. I can join you in saying that I frequently enjoy using the word ‘tonk’, and I likewise notice its underappreciation and use.

    When it comes to cricket grounds in space, there are so many questions.
    How does a bowler get any arm/ball speed? In zero gravity, you are not able to move or run fast.
    Would you need a new ball every ball? And surely all a batter needs to do is hit the ball up in any direction to get a six and the ball will never come back to the ground, it will just be floating forever away for 6.
    I could go on but I have better things to be doing….

    1. Does a ball have to actually land beyond the ropes to become a six? Until that happens, surely there’s always the theoretical chance that some sort of airborne force could push it back into the field of play, resulting in a four. Or even fewer runs. Or, thinking about it, given the duration it might be airborne, an all-run 10,000.

      If a ball ultimately lands on a different planet, moon or asteroid, does that count as ‘landing’ beyond the ropes and thus a six?

      1. Would the ball even get to the batter? Or would it, after release by the bowler, keep floating around and even Blaze wouldn’t be able to blaze to it, forget being able to tonk it?

        And what if the ball after release floats over the boundary? Is that an all bye/wide six?

  4. I feel uniquely qualified to write about this topic, having played international cricket closer to the stratosphere than anyone else around here:

    I also feel uniquely able to discuss Tonk’s left-hand right-hand phenomenon, being a well-known lefty-righty myself.

    I shall ponder my substantive response on these vital matters long and hard overnight and revert in the morning, if I can be arsed,

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