Stuart Broad’s going to need…

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< 1 minute read

More ties!

From Stuart Broad’s Twitter feed:

“There can’t be a worse advert at the moment than Just For Men! ‘I’m gonna need more ties!'”

We are currently in a ‘love’ phase in our ever evolving relationship with the ‘more ties’ advert. Broad probably watches less cricket than we do, what with being on the field and all, so we’d guess he’s in an early stage of what will become a long and tempestuous relationship.

How many ties does a man honestly need? We have two; one for weddings and one for funerals.


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  1. That advert creeps me out. I think it’s the look of sheer fear on the girl’s face when the Dad comes home. I don’t even want to think about what might have happened if he hadn’t got the job.

  2. I had always assumed that the mother in the “more ties” scenario was dead and that he was returning to work after the subsequent breakdown, hence the grey hair.

    But the daughter looks to be anywhere between 15 and 35, what’s her excuse for not being out at work? It can’t just be her stupid face. What do they do all day; just laze around watching televangelists; dying each other’s hair and eating oversized novelty cookies?

  3. Times being hard, the daughter went on the game. However, she found it hard to find clients with a taste for young women who dress like they’re 40.

    A broken girl-woman, she grew to loathe her own oddly aged appearance as a consequence and lashed out at anything that betrayed ageing in others. Dad’s grey hair came in for most vitriol.

    Not sure why she loves ties so much though. Anyone?

  4. KC, isn’t it obvious? There’s only one group of females who wear ties: schoolgirls. This tie fetish is a response to her artificially accelerated ageing that forces her to regress to a time when her age could be pre-determined by her clothes.

  5. We’re picturing her wearing one and we have to ask ourself: is there anyone in the entire universe who would less suit a tie?

  6. Years of satisfying the twisted whims of degenerate travelling businessmen in motorway hotel rooms has left her a shut-in, unable to bare existence unless all those around her are dressed in cheap, supermarket suits and rugby club ties.

  7. String, perhaps. Could see him in a bow tie though.

    Pete, her unflinching joy at the suggestion that her father will be purchasing more ties now troubles us deeply.

  8. Just because she calls him “Dad” doesn’t mean he neccessarily is. One of her Johns might just fancy some Fenland roleplay.

  9. Is the whole thing actually a scene from a high-end brothel, depicting a ‘specialist’ acting out his tie-wearing breadwinner fantasy?

    If so, are Just For Men targeting too small a demographic with their campaign?

  10. ….and how much does that demographic overlap with King Cricket readers? I feel a Venn diagram coming.

  11. You really aren’t latching on to the Jungian archetypes here, folks.

    The grey man is Agammemnon. The dumpy girl is electra.

    When their drama unfolds according to their collective subcoscious script, things are not going to work out very well for either of them. Nor for Mr Grey’s wife. Nor for Dumpy’s brother.

    I feel a bestial roar ccoming on, from the direction of the Furies.

  12. Perhaps because of all this stress with the job interview he’d neglected to notice she’d escaped from the basement, and had to hastily return with more ties with which to restrain her?

    An austrian advert dubbed in english?

  13. i think you’ve all been a bit harsh.
    I’d ‘tie’ that girl up in my basement any day of the week.

  14. Do I have to do everything around here?

    Like, the Jungian analysis, the set-up posting AND the pay-off line?

    I think I’m gonna need……

    ….more Oresteias.

  15. If those are the punchlines then yes, we’d hazard you are going to have to be a set-up/pay-off all-rounder.

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