We heartily endorse Rory Burns’ run-out appeal body language

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You know what they say: ain’t no run-out appeal like the run-out appeal that comes in the immediate aftermath of a drop.

With all due respect to Chris Woakes’ bowling and Shardul Thakur’s batting, the highlight of day one of the fourth Test was unquestionably Rory Burns standing astride an imaginary pig, appealing for a run-out.

Ollie Robinson bowled; Umesh Yadav heaved mightily and edged it; Craig Overton at slip parried it up and behind him; Burns picked up the ball and threw down the stumps. Then he stood astride an imaginary pig and almost absent-mindedly appealed for a wicket. (Ollie, Olly, Oli is the new Alastair/Alistair, Graham/Graeme cricketer name shibboleth, by the way. Use the wrong one for the wrong person and you instantly mark yourself out as a cricket dilettante.)

It was quite the body language and only enhanced by Overton’s rural-simpleton-awaiting-assistance-from-a-family-member stance alongside him.

Burns intrigues us. He is England’s first relatively-inked-in opener in a long time and yet we feel like we barely know him at all. He is a fixture in the side, was Surrey’s captain and therefore presumably a coherent human being and yet we’re struggling to recall hearing him speak.

There’s also the small matter of his appearance to grapple with. He arrived in the side with a somewhat severe side parting with undertones of military sensibleness, but it then extended into a huge flapping nonsense before transforming into whatever-the-hell we have today. Cap on, there’s a dash of trailer trash about it. Cap off, it’s either 1970s tennis player or drummer in a jobbing metal band.

We can’t really get to grips with him and, somewhat paradoxically, that makes us warm to him. What look is he going for? Does he know? Was the pig-straddling appeal knowing or accidental?

Rory Burns is an enigma.


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  1. I would like to propose a settlement to the Buttler vs Bairstow wicketkeeping debate which absolutely no-one is having. It’s got to be Bairstow, if only for the pure, unadulterated glee with which he celebrates each and every catch behind. The instant angry joy etched on his face and the way he enthusiastically hurls the ball a mile into the air is in stark contrast to the rather limp, semi-apologetic efforts of Buttler.

    Johnny Bairstow.

    1. We thought this. They had to have a ball change after two of those celebratory thows as they’re yet to return to Earth.

    2. I seem to recall KC describing Bairstow as a petulant middle child. Guess the stewards would agree.

  2. Aggers is getting on my nerves. There, I’ve said it

    He’s developed an unpleasant habit of yelling ‘How’s that?’ whenever England have a chance of a wicket.

  3. I think King Cricket need to query why Woakes has his ridiculous beard. It makes him look like a Bronski Beat video extra rather than the cricketer of supreme ability that he is.

  4. That description of Overton along with that picture had me in splits. LOL, as you might not want me to say.

    1. Rural simpletons everywhere will feel denigrated by that Overton description…

      …and for the benefit of country yokels, denigrate means “put down”.

      1. Don’t think it’s a good idea to encourage country yokels to put anyone down… alpacas excepted, perhaps?

      2. the term “denigrated by” makes the country yokels the recipients rather than the providers of the put downs, much like the alpaca in question…

        …specifically, “TB or not TB” is the existential question in the matter of that alpaca.

        Is Rory straddling an alpaca rather than a pig? I think we should be told.

      3. In other news, there’s a bit of a cricket match going to a fifth day down Sarf Lunden way.

        But alpaca puns are a useful distraction from the tension of all that:

        * there’s the media mogul camelid who used to broadcast cricket in the antipodes – Kerry Alpaca
        * or the former test captain/South African cricket administrating camelid – Ali Paca
        * or the camelids who currently open the batting for India – Rohit Llama & Camel Rahul.,,

        …others around here surely can add to and improve

      4. Getting a bit more obscure on the camelids, Danushka Guanacothilaka and Ravicuña Ashwin.

        Getting a bit more obscure on the Test cricketers, Faoud Bacchtrian.

        One for the Middlesex supporters: Pedromedary Collins.

      5. Today I learned: If you cross a male llama with a female alpaca, you get a huarizo. If your geneticist goes completely mad and crosses that with a Pakistani cricketer, presumably you get Mohammad Huarizwan.

        And if you cross a male dromedary camel with a female llama, you get a cama. Cross that with a Windies batsman of yore, and you get the late Steve Camacho.

      6. Great effort folks, but there are probably one or two players who have got the hump because they are as yet unnamed.

        Kamel-ran Ak-amal, for example.

  5. Around the Test-playing countries of the world:

    Hashmatullama Shahidi of Afghanistan.

    Marnus Llamaschagne of Australia.

    Habibul Bactriar of Bangladesh.

    Vicuña Marks of England (for a bonus, Vicuña Trumper/Richardson of Australia).

    Vinod Kamli of India.

    James Camaron-Dow of Ireland (for a bonus, Camaron Bancroft/Green/White of Australia).

    Dromedaryl Tuffey of New Zealand (for a bonus, Dromedarren Lehmann of Australia).

    Inzamam-al-Paca of Pakistan.

    Vernon Phillamander of South Africa.

    Tillamakaratne Dilshan of Sri Lanka.

    Joshuarizo Da Silva of the West Indies.

    Alistair Camell of Zimbabwe (for a bonus, there’s Ricky Ponting’s uncle Greg Camell of Australia).

    Not sure what this list says about the person in charge of naming Australian children.

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