Why it’s no surprise that Michael Clarke and Shane Watson hate each other

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Michael Clarke trying to look cool or something

Legal documents associated with Mickey Arthur’s ludicrous AUD 4 million compensation claim against Cricket Australia are said to detail deeply felt emnity between Michael Clarke and Shane Watson. This is, apparently, news.

A fairly large proportion of the Australian population has always hated Michael Clarke, seeing him as an image-conscious metrosexual who’s been given an easy ride. An even greater proportion of the Australian population hates Shane Watson for being an image-conscious metrosexual who whinges a lot, throws away promising starts and who is forever getting injured. Being as both Clarke and Watson are Australians, OF COURSE each is going to hate the other.

It’s basic statistics. Chances are most of Clarke and Watson’s team-mates hate both of them. Why wouldn’t you? The rest of us do.

Just because one person’s a bit of an arse, it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily going to be great mates with other arses. In reality, people are generally most irritated by the negative qualities in others that they themselves possess. Clarke and Watson share plenty of irritating qualities with which to rub each other up the wrong way.


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  1. Apparently the source of the feud was Clarke discussing buying an ice cream, saying he was going to get a 99. Watson asked him what he meant by 99, as he’d been told that numbers only go up as high as 55. Clarke said that was rubbish, as in his experience numbers went up to at least 329, and they might go higher still. Watson got angry and threw a skinny frappacino at Clarke, who flew into an absolute rage when he found out it wasn’t organic.

    Mickey Arthur didn’t help when he asked the team to provide proofs of the infinitude of prime numbers as a prerequisite for being selected on the Indian tour.

  2. Surely that should be a*se and a*ses?

    Honestly. Such filth. Won’t somebody think of the children.

  3. I know I’m going to get hammered for this, but I actually don’t mind Michael Clarke. I can’t stand the whole “Aussie mentality” bullshit like how singing the team song is a serious thing, along with all the “coaches are for driving to the game, LOLZ” bantz. I think Clarke reacts to all this exactly how an English person would, with a mild indifference, and I for one am behind that. Also, if there are two sides then my nature means I must wholeheartedly throw myself behind one team/person, and if Shane Watson called Piers Morgan a twat I’d probably still end up tweeting Morgan some cry-baby jibes or ghost-based puns to go back at him with.

    1. This is the same Michael Clarke who called for his baggy green cap when in sight of his maiden Test century?

      Nah. Tool.

    2. Clarke is a facile, empty-headed walking cliche, who frequently refers to himself in the 3rd person – that’s how Poms go on, is it? doesn’t surprise me one bit.

    3. “the whole “Aussie mentality” bullshit like how singing the team song is a serious thing”

      yeah, that always grated on me as well. i remember reading an interview with one of the aussies a while back where david boon was being talked up as a legend – his batting wasn’t even mentioned though, it was because he was super-patriotic, always the first to join in the victory song etc. nauseating 🙁

  4. Presumably in the Boof era they have to have a fistfight like real men. Winner gets to be captain.

  5. That image of Clarke was mostly in the Bingle era though. I do have a grudging respect for the man – it’s not an easy job to captain a team and be the best batsman in the country.

    But I do hope Boof will bring back Katich.

    1. …and Mitchell Johnson.

      Also, can we have a string of obscure spinners again – perhaps those incapable of scoring quite so many runs?

  6. He bowls pretty well
    He bats pretty well
    That Ashton Agar
    He’s doing alright, isn’t he?

    1. oh sweet baby jesus!

      i looked at the bra on his chest, thought it was punny, then my eyes moved downwards, minor vomit at his mid riff… then I saw his groin!!!!

      oh the horror! I feel like gouging out my eyes.

    2. Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same thing. It’s impossible these days to just see something funny and smile to yourself. You have to share it online.

    3. Wow Wiggo has really let himself go since he decided that he wasn’t going to ride the TDF again.

  7. How does Watson even see himself as a worthy opponent in a feud with Clarke? Or maybe thats the problem…

  8. Most of us Aussies did hate Clarke until we realised he was the only person in the team who could actually score runs, so now he has been elevated to “Top Bloke” status in most people’s eyes. Kind of like Warnie, who despite always being a bit of a pillock, will always be a legend from on field activities.

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