Virat Kohli accuses Steve Smith of line-crossing

“There’s a line that you don’t cross on the cricket field,” said Virat Kohli, shortly after suggesting that the Australians had been looking to their dressing room for help when deciding whether to review decisions or not.

You realise what this is, don’t you? It’s an allegation of line-crossing.

This is serious stuff, because as you’re no doubt aware, the Australian cricket captain is the one who dictates the location of ‘the line’.

Any activity carried out by Australian players falls into the category of “playing hard but fair” while all other activities are by definition either “soft cricket” or “crossing the line”.

No-one fulfilled the role better than Michael Clarke, a man who fully understood the mobility and flexibility of the line. Clarke would no doubt agree with Steve Smith that seeking out the opinion of a third party when mulling whether or not to call upon the decision review system merely constitutes “a bit of a brain fade.”

It is, quite frankly, an outrage that Virat Kohli should slander the Australians in this way. It is surely obvious to us all that the Australians, with their poor faded brains, would never breach the line. The line is sacred.

Virat has crossed the line on this line-crossing thing.

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30 Appeals

  1. If Virat Kohli’s accusation of Aussie line crossing was broadcast (and I suspect it was in order for you to be able to report it so comprehensively), then it would, if proved to be defamatory, be libel, not slander.

    This is the second KC piece in a row with a manifest error in the text.

    Not great.

    Indeed, I fear that the KC error rate has crossed a line of some sort.

    • King Cricket

      March 7, 2017 at 4:36 pm

      If the KC error rate crossed a line, it was only for a temporary drop into accuracy.

      • You can’t even claim that your error was a brain fade, KC.

        Because, as Virat Kohli himself said in the same interview as his “crossing the line” accusation, “if something is going on for two or three days, that’s not a brain fade”.

        So if you haven’t crossed a line and you haven’t had a brain fade, what have you done, KC? The interviews today infer that those are the only two possible explanations.

      • King Cricket

        March 7, 2017 at 5:29 pm

        Imply.

        You infer – the interviews imply.

        We disagree with Virat on this. We’re adamant that the brain can fade with no guarantee that it will recover again.

      • Imply/infer…

        …I plead brain fade…

        …the more permanent version that you are pleading, KC.

    • A well-known pedant

      March 8, 2017 at 6:12 pm

      Ged – if Kohli did indeed spake then KC is correct, it was slander. “As my old English teacher used to say “slanderous speech, libellous literature”.

      • Hmmm, at the risk of…. ah, sod it, I *think* Ged’s correct, as it’s libel if the defamatory statement has permanence such as speech recorded for broadcast; it can then be considered libellous regardless of the medium of communication.

        Ged’s back, as in I’ve got it on this lone occasion.

      • Which raises the interesting* question of a defamatory statement sent by Morse Code to several recipients, and written down at the receiving end. Libellous or not?

      • To answer Mike’s question…

        …back in the day, when I studied law, The Defamation Act 1952 specifically mentioned wireless telegraphy as an example of permanence – therefore libel rather than slander. Whether that would still apply I neither know nor care.

        Thanks for your support on the libel/slander distinction point, Mike.

  2. It’s quite simple.

    The line is equidistant between Australia and the opposition. On one side, we have all that is honest, true, green and baggy (like Ian Healy’s long johns) and on the other we have all that is dishonest, whingey and, if we bear true witness, more than a little pommy (or Indian, protean, Pakistani etc).

    When Australia aren’t playing (I know it seems impossible but apparently there are occasional English summers when the Australians don’t play at least 5 ODIs) then the line is a place far beyond which both teams have long since crossed and anarchy has been brought to the great sport.

  3. Love it. This test had everything – bowlers pitch, collapses all around, drs madness, fights and allegations of cheating.

    Shame I missed most of it

  4. Can you walk the line?

  5. Bert Jr is now 14, a fact that ought to make the long-termers here feel old. We often have conversations that go along the lines of:

    – Have you got your phone in bed with you?
    – No.
    – What’s that on your bed?
    – My phone.
    – So you have got your phone in bed with you.
    – No.

    This is very similar to discussing The Spirit of Cricket with Australian cricketers. They work to a Trumpian version of reality, in which facts are tradable currency. Like neighbours rowing over the garden fence, they are arguing from different premises.

    You can’t stop this. The only way to combat it is to refuse to buy into their excuse game. Tell them that they cheat (*), and don’t let them get away with modifying the language till they feel no shame about it.

    (*) They’re not alone, Stuart Broad.

    • I’m warming to Bert Jr.

      When is he going to start posting comments on this site?

    • There is a big difference between on and in, ask your wife

    • Meanwhile our own recalcitrant teenager, Hippity, (over 17 now, would you believe?) informed us last weekend that he now has a job. he claims to be the new curator of the World Carrot Museum.

      http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/

      The fact that the museum clearly states the name of its curator is of no consequence to Hippity – he claims to have taken over but that he is too polite and kind to remove his predecessor’s name from the site.

      Hippity also claims to have instructed “his people” to deny that Hippity is the new curator if anyone asks.

      Hippity further claims that we never see him working on the site because he only ever uses a computer when neither Daisy nor I am around.

      If any King Cricket readers have further information to help me and Daisy get to the bottom of this matter, we’d be most grateful.

      • Great website, Ged, thanks for the link. Lots to while away the afternoon browsing through here. Including “24 Carrot Recipes”. Why only 24, I wonder?

      • Your comment is pure gold, Chuck.

        I particularly like the section on musical instruments crafted from carrots and indeed other vegetables.

      • Yes! – Easy answer. John Stolarczyk from the UK is the originator of the World Carrot Museum and the ONLY ever Curator. He still maintains and updates the website on a daily basis. IF Hippity has any control ask him to prove it by making a change. OR ask him to write to you from the curator@carrotmuseum.co.uk

        Ged – only 24 carrot recipes because it is supposed to be pun. 24 carat is the purest gold you can get and therefore considered the best quality.

      • What an honour and a privilege to get a reply from you, John; I gave that no more than 50%/50% when I made my posting about your wonderful World Carrot Museum.

        I can only apologise for Hippity. He now claims that:
        * he never said that he was the curator, merely that he aspired to be the curator;
        * Daisy and I never listen properly to a word that he says;
        * we’ll never win an argument with him because he’s smarter than both of us.

        The first part of the last claim is true.

        Hippity has been uppity ever since King Cricket published one of his match reports a few years ago: http://www.kingcricket.co.uk/pakistan-v-netherlands-world-twenty20-match-report/2009/06/12/

        I’m also wondering whether Hippity has been at the fermented carrot juice. I notice, btw, that the World Carrot Museum makes no mention of alcoholic drinks made from carrot – only a short piece on a vodka and carrot juice cocktail, which is not quite the same thing. Does the carrot not lend itself to alcohol-producing processes?

      • If you go to http://www.carrotmuseum.com you will find 3 recipes for carrot wine, one for carrot whiskey and one for Rattlesnake Weed Brew. I misunderstood part of the instructions for that one and burned my hand rather badly.

        There is also carrot soap which Donald Trump uses on his face every day.

      • That’s very odd! Nothing like the page i meant to show but here is part of it:-

        Soapsoap making

        Carrot Soap is easy to make. The Beta Carotene in carrots makes it very good for your skin, the lather is lovely and creamy, and the orange colour of the soap itself is beautiful.

        All you need is 4 ounces of carrot juice, 10 ounces Palm Oil, 4 ounces Coconut Oil, 2 ounces Olive Oil, 2 ounces lye, 4 ounces water. (Lye is water alkanised for use in washing – available at chemists)

        Mix the lye and water and set aside to cool. Melt the oils together, set aside to cool. Once cooled gently pour lye into oils. Add juice to mixture, stirring constantly. Mix until soap traces, pour into prepared moulds, allow to stand covered for 48 hours. Remove from moulds, cut as needed, and allow to age open to the air for 3 weeks.

        Carrot Friend Ann Beck from Arizona has produced some super variations of the standard recipe, making delightful Castile Soap and Twenty Two Carrot Soap.
        Click here to see photos and full recipe details.

        “Carrottree” Soaps and Essentials – To buy commercial carrot soap click here. (U.S. site)

        Carrot Wine

        Recipe 1

        Carrots make a lovely drop of wine. Follow the simple instructions.
        The hardest part is the wait!

        Ingredients:

        4 ½ lbs carrots; 2 ½ lbs sugar; 1 gallon water; 1lb raisins (chopped)

        2 oranges; 2 lemons; 1 sachet yeast nutrient; 1 tsp yeast; 1 tsp tannin;
        1 campden tablet.

        Method:

        Scrub the carrots and place in a pan of boiling water and simmer until the carrots are soft. Strain the liquid onto the sugar, raisins and the grated rinds of the oranges and lemons. Leave to cool.

        Add the tannin, yeast and nutrient. Leave to ferment for six days in the tub. Strain into the demi-john insert air lock and leave in a warm place for six days until the SG is 1.000. Rack into a clean demi-john add the campden tablet and leave for a year.

        Carrot Wine Recipe 2
        Carrot Wine – a delicious ‘orange’ wine (somehow, the colour paradigm used for the one dimensional grape only wines doesn’t seem to lend itself to more sophisticated and versatile wines).
        Ingredients:
        · 4 lb Carrots
        · 2 ounces Fresh Root Ginger
        · 4 lb Demerara Sugar
        · Juice of 2 Lemons
        · Juice of 2 Oranges
        · Yeast (use bread yeast – chromatographic testing shows that it gives cleaner results)
        · 1 gallon Water
        Method:
        Grate the carrots and the ginger and put into a very large saucepan (see next if you haven’t got such a thing). Pour the water over the shredded carrot and ginger and then boil for around 20 minutes. Finally, strain into a clean bucket.
        If you haven’t got a large saucepan, divide the carrot and ginger up proportionately between two saucepans and add boiling water. Boil for 20 minutes and strain into a bucket and then repeat the process with more water until you have around a gallon of liquid that has been boiled with the carrot and ginger.
        Add the demerara sugar and the lemon and orange juice while still hot and stir until dissolved. Allow to cool to blood temperature and then add the yeast.
        Allow to ferment for a day and then transfer to demijohns and continue to ferment until the reaction comes to a halt (2 – 3 weeks). Add two campden tablets and allow the yeast to settle. When clear, filter into bottles and allow 3 months to mature.
        Variations:
        Try different citrus varieties or types of sugar.
        Storage: Keep in bottles on their side for at least three months.

        Carrot Wine – Recipe 3
        1.8kg carrots, washed and sliced
        900g sugar
        340g sultanas
        5-6 litres of water
        Juice of 2 lemons
        Wine yeast
        Scrub carrots and cut into pieces. Put into a large saucepan with water and boil until carrots are tender.
        Strain off liquid into a large plastic bucket. Remove carrots, transfer liquid back into pan.
        Stir in the sultanas and lemon juice.
        When the liquid is lukewarm, add the yeast. Cover and leave for seven days, stirring twice daily. Using a fine sieve, strain the liquid into a large container, or demijohn, using an airlock to seal the jar.
        Store in warm place and allow the fermentation to work. When fermentation has ceased, rack the wine into a clean jar and place in a cooler environment and leave for a few months.
        When the wine is clear and stable (six months) siphon into bottles

      • Thanks Rus. You clearly trawled the World Carrot Museum site more comprehensively than me.

        The thought of Trump using carrot soap was not a great mental image for breakfast-time, but thanks also for that.

      • A more informed search shows me that those booze recipes are in the craft section, not the food and drink section:

        http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/craft.html

        There is also a “knit a bunny” section under crafts, which will get right up Hippity’s nose once he finds out about it.

        For now, Hippity seems to be in some sort of a stupor; hiccuping, nursing his sore head and mumbling, “pass the cranky carrot juice”.

      • Several alcoholic related stuff.

        The craft stuff – home made wine etc

        A Carrot Pub, with (of course) carrot beer – http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/carrotpub.html

        On sale for the first time in 2015 – Carrot Liqueur by a Dutch distiller, Wenneker. Their webpage here – http://www.wenneker.com/liqueurs/vegetables also inof buried in the WCM.

        Several beers around the world.

        Black carrot liquor from Spain on this page – http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/cuevas.html

        They also produce black carrot gin – The carrot gin is named after Simbuya – http://www.elsoldigital.es/company-from-malaga-is-producing-the-worlds-first-purple-carrot-gin/

        Cheers!

      • More about the carrot gin/beer – http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/cuevas1.html

        It’s all in the Carrot Museum, just need to look hard. It’s over 140 pages!!

  6. Yes! The line is back!

    As in etc etc and so on.

  7. I would like to officially record my displeasure at this character smearing. It is perfectly reasonable for Peter Handscombe to not know the rule disallowing getting dressing room help for on-field reviews, and it is perfectly reasonable for Smith to not know Peter’s not knowing said rule even if he, Smith, knows it himself and need not rely on Peter’s knowing at all. Innocent Pete might also be unaware that theft, murder, and other such off-field activities are usually frowned upon – someone should tell him so he doesn’t make these mistakes.

    Why attribute to malice what you can attribute to good old ignorance? The line is safe with the Aussies.

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