Warwickshire still top by a couple of points

Bowled on 30th April, 2012 at 08:11 by
Category: County cricket news

It rained last week. You might have noticed. This meant that very little happened in the County Championship. No-one won.

Warwickshire stayed top largely due to the vast bat of Jonathan Trott who is entirely unarsed by green pitches and cloudy skies and hit 178. Whether it’s a packed MCG or 12 people dotted round Edgbaston on a grim wintery day, Jonathan Trott is happy if he’s batting. Actually, maybe not ‘happy’. It’s more like breathing for him – an unconscious thing. You imagine he has to actively make an effort to NOT bat. He probably marks non-batting days in his diary.

The other notable occurence in that match, in light of last week, was that Rikki Clarke again got runs batting at nine.

Lancashire no longer bottom

Lancashire soared up the table with a glorious rain-interrupted draw against Somerset. Our man Steven Croft got a hundred and then our other man, Nick Compton, made 30 not out. The latter isn’t really newsworthy but for the fact that Compton seems to be afraid of the dressing room this season, only feeling safe in the middle. We are therefore putting his good form down to The Taunton Ghost, which we may or may not have just made up.

Worcestershire v Nottinghamshire

Probably shouldn’t have finished with this match, because we’ve got nothing to say about it. Andre Adams took five wickets, but if you follow county cricket, you’ll know that’s about as surprising as the grim sense of dread that accompanies your first waking moments on a Monday morning.

By the way, what shall we call this County Championship round-up? It seems to have become a recurring feature. We feel like it should have a name, particularly when we read the title ‘Warwickshire still top by a couple of points’.

We did not know that a cricket ferret was a thing until we saw this

Make an appeal
  1. sam   //   April 30th, 2012 at 08:24

    Maybe you should just call it ‘Warwickshire still top’. All the way through the season.

    • King Cricket   //   April 30th, 2012 at 08:29

      Think we have to at least allow for the possibility that Warwickshire’s gigantic two point lead could potentially be overhauled – perhaps as a result of further bad weather.

  2. Bert   //   April 30th, 2012 at 10:35

    Aliteration’s always good. There’s Football Focus, and probably a Rugby Review or two out there somewhere. And if you use that version of aliteration where it’s all about sounds, your very own name fits the bill perfectly. So:

    King Cricket’s County…

    To be honest, it’s at this point where I struggle. Here’s a list of words beginning with C. I don’t think it’s complete.

    Cavity Wall Insulation

    So there it is – “King Cricket’s County Convocation”. At the very least you can be sure nobody else has already taken it.

    • King Cricket   //   April 30th, 2012 at 11:10

      King Cricket’s cursory county condensation?

      Can you use ‘condensation’ like that?

    • Bert   //   April 30th, 2012 at 12:14

      Condensation – tiny droplets of something that come from nowhere and get in the way of seeing things properly.

      Yes, I can see what you’re trying to say.

    • Howe_zat   //   April 30th, 2012 at 15:20

      King Cricket’s Condensed Cacophony of County Complications

    • King Cricket   //   April 30th, 2012 at 15:26

      There’s something in that one.

      Something shorter maybe? ‘Condensed County Complications’?

  3. thesmudge   //   April 30th, 2012 at 11:10

    I think you are onto something there Bert.

    Personally I prefer “Corral”. I picture a cartoon KC with crown, checked shirt and chaps herding the steers which are our beloved counties.

    However convocation does add one more staccato bren gun “c”, to the aliterative chain, so maybe you are spot on.

    • a well-known pedant   //   April 30th, 2012 at 12:07

      May we have “alliteration/alliterative” with 2 ls guys please.

    • Bert   //   April 30th, 2012 at 12:30

      You might be correct, so-called well-known pedant, but one of the ls from alliteration isn’t the worst letter you can leave out of a comment about county cricket.

    • King Cricket   //   April 30th, 2012 at 12:38

      Indeed. With inattentive typing, you could make an accidental reference to our cousin, the infamous Count Cricket. He’s a complete bastard.

    • Bert   //   April 30th, 2012 at 15:41

      I often wondered where you slotted into the inbred fabric of lesser European royalty – it never occurred to me that you were related to Otto von Cricket of foul repute. I heard that he has locked all the town’s children out of sight, and that he once put more than two fielders behind square on the leg side. As you rightly say, a bastardly dastard if ever one there was.

    • King Cricket   //   April 30th, 2012 at 15:42

      He appeals for LBW even when he KNOWS the batsman has got a faint inside edge onto his pads.

  4. Deep Cower   //   April 30th, 2012 at 13:28

    King Cricket’s Counts of County Counting Cunts. (KCCCCC).

  5. D Charlton   //   April 30th, 2012 at 13:42

    Something about cats always goes down well here.

  6. Howe_zat   //   April 30th, 2012 at 15:18

    “that’s about as surprising as the grim sense of dread that accompanies your first waking moments on a Monday morning.”

    I fear KC may be projecting his world-view onto the readership again. First Lancashire and now this.

    • sam   //   April 30th, 2012 at 15:49

      You mean you don’t get that grim sense of dread? I envy you.

      It’s all I can do to haul myself out of bed and stumble to the medicine cabinet to dry my tears with pills.

      Right guys?


    • King Cricket   //   April 30th, 2012 at 15:53

      Our advice is to keep a bottle of port by the bed. A few swigs should numb the pain such that you can make it as far as the pills in the bathroom.

      We could keep the pills where we keep the port, but we can’t summon the will to make such radical changes.

  7. Ged   //   May 1st, 2012 at 05:05

    King Cricket’s County Championship Chatter.

    County Championship Stuff & Nonsense.

    County Championship Extras.

    Possible tag line: Natter with Nutters about CC Matters.

  8. King Cricket   //   May 1st, 2012 at 08:06

    We could get Count Cricket to do the round-up and make it ‘Count Cricket’s County Cricket’.

  9. Ged   //   May 1st, 2012 at 09:34

    How’s about:

    King Cricket’s County Capers

    Tag line: His indefatigable majesty surveys periodically a miscellany of cricketing particulars in his inimitably whimsical style with predictably hilarious results

    (Crumbs, the tag line is almost as long as some of the intended articles).

  10. King Cricket   //   May 1st, 2012 at 09:40

    To be honest, we’ve been in touch with Count Cricket via his parole officer and we might be close to brokering a deal.

    • Bert   //   May 1st, 2012 at 09:56

      I assume that the first word of his first report will be “Velcome”, and that each report will contained numbered items (Von, ha ha ha, two, ha ha ha, three, ha ha ha). If not, he has no idea of the true nature counthood (jeez you have to be careful with your spelling in this thread).

  11. Fred Grace   //   May 1st, 2012 at 10:11

    Just watched Emma Thompson in a movie called Wit. It’s about a woman undergoing “research chemotherapy” and it’s absolutely brilliant. No cricket in it but I had to tell someone and I don’t tweet.

    • King Cricket   //   May 1st, 2012 at 10:32

      Be honest, Fred Grace. Did you direct Wit, starring Emma Thompson?

    • D Charlton   //   May 1st, 2012 at 12:44

      Or are you Hayley from the Barmy Army, Fred? I still miss her.

    • Bert   //   May 1st, 2012 at 14:28

      You’re right Douglas – I miss Hayleybot too. She was lovely.

  12. Ricky   //   May 1st, 2012 at 19:43

    Hi everyone, I have decided to start a blog talking about how cricket has shaped my life. I hope to share some of my lessons learned. Here is my first piece: http://bit.ly/IEhBHl. I look forward to having you join me on my journey!

    • King Cricket   //   May 1st, 2012 at 21:55

      Punter, is that you?

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