Why were we going to write about Roger Telemachus?

Anyone? Any idea?

We’ve been doing a bit of housework around the ‘back end’ of the site and while we were doing this, we spotted a draft of an article from 2011. It was entitled, simply, “Roger Telemachus”.

That’s intriguing, we thought, and so we opened the page to see what we’d written. All that was there was a link to Roger Telemachus’s Wikipedia page. We assumed there’d be some funny little detail in there, but there isn’t really. There’s: “In the 2006 English summer, Telemachus had a largely unsuccessful stint playing for Hornchurch Cricket Club,” but that’s not the kind of thing you base an article around.

We can only assume that Roger Telemachus’s Wikipedia page was once funny and no longer is. We’re pretty confident it wasn’t an occasion when someone’s inserted some hilarious lies and so it must have been an actual fact. Anyone? Any idea?

Maybe it was nothing more than that on the 24th of October 2011 we for some reason found the name ‘Roger Telemachus’ inexplicably hilarious.

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29 Appeals

  1. Perhaps you were going to discuss that he’d added another string to his bow.

  2. Had you been reading slightly old cricinfo stuff? Was it to do with fried squid?

    • King Cricket

      January 28, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      That’s a good suggestion. We’re not sure it’s correct, but we’ve half a mind we knew that story already, so if we really push ourself, we may be able to accept it and consequently put our mind at rest.

      Beautiful avatar, by the way. Quite, quite beautiful.

    • I think that must be it. Older versions of the wikipedia page contain this gem:

      “Telemachus was also involved in what is probably the most bizarre stoppage in the history of cricket, when ‘calamari stopped play’. During a regional match in South Africa, Telemachus was bowling to Daryll Cullinan, who hit the ball for six, whereupon it ended up in the kitchen and straight into a pan of frying calamari. According to Wisden, “Daryll Cullinan hit a six into a frying pan. It was about ten minutes before the ball was cool enough for the umpires to remove the grease. Even then, the bowler was unable to grip the ball and it had to be replaced”.”

      Remarkable accuracy from Daryll Cullinan there.

      • Surely you’d’ve written about Daryll Cullinan in that situation, though? Seems a little unfair for Telemachus to steal all the glory.

      • King Cricket

        January 28, 2016 at 12:56 pm

        Well done Ceci and thank you Mike. We now consider this verified.

        And Mike, if we’ve got a story involving a guy called Daryll Cullinan, who’s known for a number of events during his international career, and a guy called Roger Telemachus, who isn’t well-remembered, we’re going to brand that a Roger Telemachus story.

        Roger Telemachus.

        Roger. Telemachus.



        Roger Telemachus.

      • King Cricket

        January 28, 2016 at 12:58 pm


  3. I’m sure you were just amused by the homeric allusion, juxtaposed with puerility. As per usual.

    • King Cricket

      January 28, 2016 at 4:57 pm

      They come here for the homeric allusions. They stay for the puerility.

      • Mostly we’re here for the snob value of working out who went to a school good enough that they can get the Homeric allusions.

        Which is in itself pretty puerile.

      • (And not just Homeric allusions of course, but the mathematics posts, and occasional outbursts of punctuation pedantry, come under the same aegis. Or the same cover. Or the same bracket.)

      • I’d love to be able to say it was my schooling that made me such a know-it-all twonk, but I’m afraid it’s all me.

  4. Yup, mystery solved.

    Roger and out.

  5. Why wickets are what’s important

    Why were they?

    (The manifesto link has gone kaput.)

  6. Nepal have beaten NZ in the U-19 World Cup.

    Which sounds quite significant, though they did it ten years ago too, which doesn’t seem to have propelled Nepal’s senior side to Test status nor to have destroyed the careers of Martin Guptill or Tim Southee.

  7. telemachus is baldy

  8. Thank you for the Badger, Your Maj(er). I hadn’t been following the LO series between Australia and India, because it was a LO series between Australia and India. So it’s nice to be kept up to date on Steve Smith being a prat.

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