< 1 minute read For some reason I am being asked to bat at nine. I don’t know why. I sit and watch our innings with the haunted air of the disenchanted. After what seems like weeks, it is my turn to bat. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage.
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South Africa v England Lions match report
< 1 minute read Lemon Bella writes: Indian Skimmer and I went to see South Africa against the England Lions at Grace Road. Upon arriving at the ground, we spent twenty minutes trying to find a cup of coffee. Eventually we had to ask someone else who had a cup. In retrospect, we should
Continue readingLaurence embraces the modern way
2 minute read Modern sides bat right down to number eight and as no-one else is up to the task, I step up. It’s deep into our innings before I am called upon. The bowlers will be flagging by now. I will take advantage. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take
Continue readingBotham flouts health and safety regulations
< 1 minute read Is that suitable footwear? No. Should he be removing his hard hat? No. Also, it’s generally accepted that a high-visibility tabard be worn over the top of ordinary clothing so that you can easily be seen. Botham is wearing high-visibility clothing, but has concealed its garish, eye-catching qualities beneath a
Continue readingEngland v South Africa at the Oval – a match report
2 minute read Before you read this, we’d just like to make one thing abundantly clear about the sickening content that follows. King Cricket in no way encourages you to contact, meet or socialise with other readers of the site as it flies in the face of our whole philosophy. In fact, it’s
Continue readingLaurence Elderbrook protects the tail
2 minute read The team decide that they need a more experienced batsman to bat with the tail. The current number seven doesn’t protect the batsmen below him properly, so this is where I, Laurence Elderbrook, come in. It’s an overcast day and our batsmen struggle. Before long the fifth wicket falls. The
Continue readingTwenty20 finals day match report
2 minute read Ed (33 and a half) writes: My sister’s broadband had stopped working so I rang her ISP’s help desk. After 30 minutes of stupid, obvious questions they said they’d have to send a BT engineer to have a look. When they told me it was going to cost £180 I
Continue readingLaurence slots in at six
2 minute read One of our batsmen has fallen sick, so I am asked to fill in at the pivotal number six position. Nobody else feels up to the task, but I, Laurence Elderbrook, step up. Our top order find the pitch difficult and while they manage to keep wickets in hand, they
Continue readingSurrey v Durham County Championship match report
< 1 minute read 668 Neighbour of the Beast writes: Cricket festival season and so to the outground of Guildford – a venue where you and the boundary rope can become acquainted. It’s quite spiritual to sit on the grass and not look at the back of an advertising hoarding. Sadly, on a less
Continue readingLaurence Elderbrook bolsters the middle order
2 minute read Our fragile top order frequently lands the middle order in trouble. In a bid to rectify this, I am asked to bat at five to add a bit of experience and resilience. On this occasion I am fortunate enough that the top four all get good scores, so when the
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