For years Graeme Swann has secretly suffered from a rare and debilitating disease. Graeme is addicted to bails. Graeme’s been through a number of treatments – enforced withdrawal, hypnosis, various types of medication – but in the end he just has to accept it. He’s a bail addict and he’ll
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Andrew Strauss given out ‘hunchback at slip’
Pakistan here successfully appeal for the little-known mode of dismissal ‘hunchback at slip’. As he delivers the ball, Mohammad Sami notices that his team mates have smuggled Quasimodo into the first slip position and asks the question of the umpire. This means of dismissal was removed from the laws later
Continue readingNorth Gear Premier League Twenty20 Grand Final match report
Royal Cricket (no relation) visited Canterbury to ignore the North Gear Premier League Twenty20 Grand Final. They say this: Our mate Paul Hibberd’s younger brother, James, was playing, so we didn’t ignore him but we did spend lots of time ignoring the cricket and looking at the cameras to make
Continue readingMarcus Trescothick’s Twister goes on sale
‘Right foot… blue’
Continue readingA match report from Greece
Miriam et al. report from Greece where they witnessed the television coverage of England’s not-at-all fictional win over New Zealand first-hand. If you are thinking of sending a match report, consider this confirmation that not only does the report not have to be timely, it also doesn’t particularly matter if
Continue readingKent v Durham in the County Championship – the last three days IN FULL
Lemon Bella reports: I went to watch the last three days of the Kent v Durham County Championship match. However, because Kent appeared to have somewhere more important to be, I only ended up seeing seven hours of play. I put my spare time to good use by purchasing a
Continue readingKent v Yorkshire Pro40 match report
From what would appear to be our Kent Pro40 correspondent, Lemon Bella: I forgot that this match started an hour earlier than usual, so I didn’t have time to get lunch ready. This meant I arrived at the ground armed only with some dried apricots and a bottle of water.
Continue readingStuart MacGill with some bird on his arm
Ho ho ho. It’s an actual… Ah, you get the drift. Let’s discuss whose bird’s the nicer: Kevin’s or Stuart’s.
Continue readingKevin Pietersen with some bird on his arm
Ho ho ho. It’s an actual bird. We weren’t really referring to a woman as a bird because that would be demeaning. We were just alluding to that usage – which is of course perfectly acceptable. Worst post ever. Good job there’s absolutely no chance of our ever making this
Continue readingDarren Gough’s sinister offer
It’s a shoe. We’re not scared of a shoe, Darren. There’s nothing wrong with having a shoe. It’s not like you’re trying to get us hooked on class A drugs or something.
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