We’ve been waiting for the announcement of England’s Stanford squad with the strange notion that we’d have something to say about it.
Other than bemoaning the absence of Ian Austin, Chris Tavaré and Alan Igglesden, we’ve nothing.
The squad’s who you think it is and the same players make up England’s one-day squad for the one-day series in India later in the year.
Here are the names of the players accompanied by some fake county brandings that we’ve included in order to raise the whole dreary non-event into the ‘barely tolerable’ bracket:
Kevin Pietersen (Hampshire Ham Sandwiches, captain)
James Anderson (Lancashire Lancastrians)
Ian Bell (Warwickshire Wombs)
Ravi Bopara (Essex Extendable Loft Ladders)
Stuart Broad (Nottinghamshire Nasturtiums)
Paul Collingwood (Durham Database Administrators)
Alastair Cook (Essex Espadrilles)
Andrew Flintoff (Lancashire Liquid Refreshment)
Stephen Harmison (Durham Deviant Dancing Queens)
Samit Patel (Nottinghamshire Nitro Boosts)
Matt Prior (Sussex Slapheads)
Owais Shah (Middlesex Middle Sexes)
Graeme Swann (Nottinghamshire Nads)
Ryan Sidebottom (Nottinghamshire Nomadic Hunter-Gatherers of the Arctic Tundra)
Luke Wright (Sussex Sickle Cell Anaemia Symptoms)