England’s Stanford Twenty20 squad

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< 1 minute read

More cheque-writing practice requiredWe’ve been waiting for the announcement of England’s Stanford squad with the strange notion that we’d have something to say about it.

Other than bemoaning the absence of Ian Austin, Chris Tavaré and Alan Igglesden, we’ve nothing.

The squad’s who you think it is and the same players make up England’s one-day squad for the one-day series in India later in the year.

Here are the names of the players accompanied by some fake county brandings that we’ve included in order to raise the whole dreary non-event into the ‘barely tolerable’ bracket:

Kevin Pietersen (Hampshire Ham Sandwiches, captain)
James Anderson (Lancashire Lancastrians)
Ian Bell (Warwickshire Wombs)
Ravi Bopara (Essex Extendable Loft Ladders)
Stuart Broad (Nottinghamshire Nasturtiums)
Paul Collingwood (Durham Database Administrators)
Alastair Cook (Essex Espadrilles)
Andrew Flintoff (Lancashire Liquid Refreshment)
Stephen Harmison (Durham Deviant Dancing Queens)
Samit Patel (Nottinghamshire Nitro Boosts)
Matt Prior (Sussex Slapheads)
Owais Shah (Middlesex Middle Sexes)
Graeme Swann (Nottinghamshire Nads)
Ryan Sidebottom (Nottinghamshire Nomadic Hunter-Gatherers of the Arctic Tundra)
Luke Wright (Sussex Sickle Cell Anaemia Symptoms)


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Wow, look at all of those shock inclusions. 20-20 specialists? Y’all shit out of luck!

    I was still habouring fantasies of my name appearing in the list, despite the fact I haven’t played since I was 14. I can’t bat or bowl especially well, but I’m very good at spending half a million quid.

  2. So glad that your eye was drawn to the espadrilles, Ceci. If you’d done Swanny and the Notts Nads I fear that this kitten-friendly site may join the other FILTHY blogs on the banned list at work.

  3. Ceci, after that and the Nicholas… ‘thing’… we’re increasingly loath to click any links associated with your name.

  4. T, Every single omission is like a knife to the heart.

    No, worse than that. It’s like a knife to an even more sensitive part of the anatomy.

  5. Nah, he was just the best example anyone could think of for a Twenty20 ‘specialist’ and so has appeared in every article about possible squad selection.

    In reality he was nowhere near.

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