Matthew Hayden back for Australia

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'Look at me, I'm confident and successful' - dickThis is good news, because when he’s not playing he can’t fail and humiliate himself. We don’t think it’s any coincidence that he skived the match where India’s bowlers remembered how to swing the ball.

Surprisingly, this is the first time our twin obsessions have appeared on the same day. Hopefully Rob will feature more prominently than Hayden in the coming months. We’ve been having a rough time with Hayden recently.

Last week we revealed that we’d had a dream about meeting Matthew Hayden and how we were all embarrassed and sheepish. Strangely, this isn’t even the first dream we’ve had like that.

Well this week matters are out of hand. We’re having versions of the Hayden dream just about every night. We’re always trying to be his mate and finding out lots of stuff about what it’s like being a professional cricketer. At the same time, we’re always aware that he knows what we say about him and feel guilty as a consequence.

Perhaps our subconscious is telling us to ease off. Well tough luck, subconscious. We’re not backing down, even if you start making it difficult for us to breathe in public places again. We’re going to counter this issue HEAD ON, even if it means a metaphorical train wreck in our mind.

Metaphors can’t hurt you. Nor can self-inflicted serious mental illness.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Indeed the Adelaide test will be the final frontier for the Indian rookie pacers as they will fight out against the best Aussie team with Hayden getting back into the frame…If they manage to conquer it that’ll be quite a feat for the youngsters…

  2. Egads man…

    You’re screwing with my young and impressionable mind..

    First you lull me in, giving me lovely Robert Key, then you thwack me with the FatHeadFlatTrackBully…

    It’s pleasure, then pain.

    It’s either a life in threapy or a life getting spanked roughly by a nice looking dominatrix.

    THe pain, the pleasure, THE PAIN, the pleasure. THE PAIN…

    Excuse me, I think I need to take myself off, for a quiet word (that’s what the kidz are calling it these dayz. nudge nudge wink wink!)

  3. Continue to fight the creeping dream-present conscience. That’s what serial killers do.

  4. are you sure thats what your sub conscious is telling you, perhaps these repetitive dreams about the same man mean something else…… maybe all this cricket, and talk of balls and middle stumps have turned your head! and yes, for once, i’ve used my real name.

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