King Cricket

September 21, 2008 County cricket

Glen Chapple tries to deny Lancashire’s batsmen division two

2 minute readDon’t think for one minute that we don’t like the wisened pile of freckles that is Glen Chapple. We always moan about Lancashire’s ageing medium-pace all-rounders, but the truth is we’ve nothing against either Chapple or Dominic Cork. It’s just that having both of them clogs the side for younger

September 19, 2008 Regulars

Laurence embraces the lower order

< 1 minute readFor some reason I am being asked to bat at nine. I don’t know why. I sit and watch our innings with the haunted air of the disenchanted. After what seems like weeks, it is my turn to bat. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage.

September 18, 2008 County cricket

Why Lancashire have earned relegation

2 minute readLancashire’s bowling has been acceptable, if little more than that. Lancashire’s batting has been as embarrassing as the thought of Henry Blofeld calling someone a ‘dude’. We’ve done the statistics about Lancashire’s batsmen already, but here are some updates. Mal Loye had previously scored 103 runs from 12 innings –

September 17, 2008 County cricket

An influence on Lancashire’s batting

< 1 minute readWe’ve made an unbelievable discovery. The F5 key on our keyboard is a shortcut that leads to the fall of a Lancashire wicket. Go and look at the scorecard for their current match and give it a go yourselves. See if you too have the power. We have honestly just

September 17, 2008 Match report

South Africa v England Lions match report

< 1 minute readLemon Bella writes: Indian Skimmer and I went to see South Africa against the England Lions at Grace Road. Upon arriving at the ground, we spent twenty minutes trying to find a cup of coffee. Eventually we had to ask someone else who had a cup. In retrospect, we should

September 16, 2008 County cricket

Oliver Newby: our new favourite Lancashire player

< 1 minute readLancsTV do one minute interviews with the players. Oliver Newby was interviewed by Mal Loye. One question was: ‘What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done in cricket?’ “Slept with Mal Loye and Gareth Cross.” Other highlights include: ‘What’s the worst thing you ever did at school?’ “I once came

September 16, 2008 Australia

Symonds: Pick me – I’m not a knob now

< 1 minute readEver since he was sent home from Australia’s one-day series against Bangladesh, speculation has been rife about Andrew Symonds. Specifically, that speculation has centred on exactly what kind of aquatic creature molested him as a child. Some say it was a turbot, some say a merman. Taken as a whole,

September 15, 2008 Australia / India / Pakistan

When is a country too dangerous to tour?

2 minute readTim May, chief executive of the Federation of International Cricketers Associations, explains why Australia are likely to tour India, but wouldn’t visit Pakistan (like usual) for the Champions Trophy: “Pakistan has had 66 suicide bombings within its country over the past 12 months with over 3,000 people killed and 17

September 15, 2008 New Zealand

Jesse Ryder’s back

< 1 minute readIs broad and pudgy and malleable like plasticine. It’s an amorphous, wobbling built-in cushion so he can lie down anywhere and feel comfortable. It’s also a trap. When Jesse Ryder needs to take all that weight off his feet, he plonks himself down and leans into his back’s exquisitely welcoming

September 13, 2008 Australia

Andrew Symonds: tool

< 1 minute readWe’ve long suspected Andrew Symonds of being a five-year-old trapped in the body of a hirsute cow. That opinion is being reinforced of late. From The Australian: “Stung $3000 for missing the team bus, he became what one person described as “the rule Nazi” and would ensure he was on