< 1 minute readWe pretty much know the teams. We pretty much know the tactics. What we don’t know is what the two teams will be feasting on during the first lunch break and who will fare the better. It’s common cricketing courtesy to clap the players when they emerge for the afternoon
Continue reading2 minute readMatch reports are still welcome. Keep them fairly short and remember, don’t mention the actual cricket. 668, Neighbour of the Beast writes: With weather set on sunny we set off for Essex with the hope of catching up with a few sub-Saharan migrants, chirping and exhibiting the usual seasonal territoriality.
Continue reading< 1 minute readYes, it’s just what you think. As it says on the Chennai Super Kings website: “[Super] enhances the qualities of the word it is prefixed to. Super Kings then is not just about royalty, but about absolute monarchy.” So there you go. Absolute monarchy. That’s what it’s all about. A
Continue reading2 minute readAndrew Flintoff is injured again. If only there were another English fast-bowling hope we could all idiotically and unreasonably crush with our mindless, unjustified hope. Step forward Simon Jones. Step forward carefully though. Don’t want you twisting an ankle or rupturing your pancreas or something. Simon Jones took 5-32 yesterday
Continue reading< 1 minute readHe’s going to distract one of the Test team while they’re driving, causing them to have a car accident. “I need to keep knocking on the door because they’re in the driving seat at the moment.” We never thought he’d stoop so low.
Continue reading< 1 minute readNot a cow or an ocelot or a langur monkey, but some sort of robotic beast specifically created to fire out intimidating back-of-a-length bowling. Paul Horton’s hundred looks even better after Durham were bowled out for 90. James Anderson took most of the wickets, but according to Lancashire’s captain, Stuart
Continue reading< 1 minute readLancashire 143 (thanks to Mark Davies), Durham 114 (thanks to James Anderson and Andrew Flintoff), Lancashire 293 and Durham 28-3 (Flintoff again). As it stands, that 293 looks out of place. What happened? It was Paul Horton, Lancashire’s opener. No-one else in the match has passed 40. Horton made 108
Continue reading< 1 minute readIt was going down leg. We haven’t seen it, but it was definitely going down the legside. If anyone out there thinks that Rob Key was genuinely dismissed, they’d better steel themselves for the consequences. The consequences are that we will politely disagree with them.
Continue reading< 1 minute readEverybody’s asking. We’ve already told you. James Tomlinson was our mate at school. We played cricket using a fire grate as stumps. James spent a period carrying a small piece of fabric around in his pencil case. He said it was a dog. He said the dog was called ‘Turbo’.
Continue reading< 1 minute readWe’ve always liked Mark Davies. He was like the invisible man that only we could see. If he wasn’t injured, he’d be there, chipping away for Durham, taking 2-30 or 3-45 – nondescript-yet-efficient bowling figures that kept his first-class average surprisingly low. It was 22.63 before this match. But now
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