3 minute read A bland, featureless room. Kevin Pietersen and Andrew Strauss sit side-by-side facing a desk, behind which sits a relationship counsellor. Counsellor: So, what brings you here? Strauss: We’re having some issues with our relationship. Counsellor: Have you been together long? Strauss: A few years. Counsellor: Okay, well, the strain can
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The fake Kevin Pietersen account was being written by one of Stuart Broad’s mates
< 1 minute read Graeme Swann knows him too, apparently. If you want to know our feelings, we’re sticking with what we wrote the other day. Everyone talking about this seems to be taking sides now. It’s become one of those ‘us v them’ situations, which is good, because that sort of thing is
Continue readingKevin Pietersen versus the England players
3 minute read This morning, Sam pointed us towards this story. It seems Kevin Pietersen suspects some of his team-mates of running a parody Twitter account in his name. Is this the modern sportsman’s equivalent of “he’s calling me names behind my back”? It seems very, very unlikely that Graeme Swann, Jimmy Anderson
Continue readingKevin Pietersen versus the ECB
< 1 minute read We spent quite a while writing the previous post, but now we’re having to write this one because all anyone will want to talk about is Kevin Pietersen’s post-match interview: “I can’t give any assurances that the next Test won’t be my last. I’d like to carry on but there
Continue readingKevin Pietersen abuses South Africa and buys England some time
2 minute read Up until today, South Africa have been appropriating England’s Test template. They’ve batted for bloody ages and wearied the opposition batsmen in the process, sapping their concentration and vitality. Their first innings 419 wasn’t a monstrous score, but 139 overs was plenty to put into England’s legs and minds. It
Continue readingKevin Pietersen retires from the shorter international formats but not from Tests or the IPL
< 1 minute read With his finishing school posture and his languid prancing, Kevin Pietersen always looks fine when he’s ambling around the outfield. But who knows what’s going on inside those 30-something limbs? Maybe he’s got age-related shitty knee. You need to rest your stupid, failing joints for longer as you get older.
Continue readingKevin Pietersen applies a good thick layer of Polyfilla to his insecurities
2 minute read Some innings are more important that the numbers might indicate, but we always feel thankful when Kevin Pietersen reaches three figures. The resultant fist-pumping’s cheering in a laughable kind of way, but more importantly it means that detractors have to revise the ‘hasn’t scored a hundred since [insert date]’ statement
Continue readingWas Kevin Pietersen out caught at leg slip for 49?
< 1 minute read If you answered ‘yes’ to that question, you’re wrong. Kevin Pietersen was not out on 202 when England declared. The consensus seems to be that Pietersen probably should have been given out when he tucked the ball down to Rahul Dravid, but we care more about what happened after that.
Continue readingPietersen, Strauss and recent Test innings
< 1 minute read Kevin Pietersen’s out of form. Andrew Strauss has developed a problem against left-arm pace. Those were the stories at the start of yesterday’s play and the evidence came in the form of their recent Test records. When play did occur, Pietersen looked amazing, but he made the grave error of
Continue readingDropping Kevin Pietersen from the England Test team
< 1 minute read We’re not a fan of this idea. You might say that we’re too easily pleased; that we’d support any batsman who scored thousands of runs for England with unparalleled panache. But you’d be wrong. There’s another thing. We once made Kevin Pietersen say ‘pie’. You can’t buy an experience like
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